Friendship is everything to me

It is time like this when I wish I have my close friends. Having them means I can have somebody to
* hangout at Starbuck, or some fastfood to chillout;
* watch movies with;
* go find some food outlets to savoy their food;
* sms;
* confide and vice versa;
* laugh with;
* meet up for meals;
* just chat and chat.
I will feel wanted. I need them. And I will give my best to treasure their friendship.

I wish they will sms me. Maybe I can't do all those I mentioned, maybe our timing doesn't fit. But at least we can sms still. But I can't even have that.

These days, my world is silence. I have only a few people that I wish can be my close friends. I need their sms reply but if they don't reply to my sms, then I really got nobody. I need their sms to keep my sanity. They are all I have. Am I really so unimportant?

I see others sharing time together. They are close friends, laughing and chatting always. Sometimes having the opportunity bring people together. At least they have the chance to discover each other and maybe bond their friendship. Sometimes it is the feeling that decides who will be friends.

I am a emotional person. I based my feeling on who I want to be my friends. Perhaps that is my failure, as they do not share the same.

I can only watch others having friends, enjoying all that I have mentioned and long for. I wish I can have the same, but I know wishing is not the same as having. I can only envy others. I can only hope that I will not hate seeing others having what I don't have. What I can't have.

I have only my family. It is not enough for me. I know I need friends. But family is all that I have to settle with. I can only hope that I will not hate them, because of having only one option. It happened before. I must, and need to hold back any anger or frustration and not direct on my family. I hope I can be strong.

I don't want any friend anymore. It hurts everytime I lost friends when I tried to strengthen the friendship. Maybe because I am a guy, what is wrong having male/female friendship? All I want is being their close friend. Can I not be given that chance? Or it is simply they don't want me as a friend.

Even though now I will not seek their friendship, I still see them as being my special friends. Maybe I am stupid for being loyal to friends, whether they accept me or not. But at this moment in time, the memory of their friendship is the only thing that keeps my sanity in this world of insanity. I see people just dropping friends like they discard their used tissues. Friendship is everything to me. Perhaps because I don't have someone I can call my close friend that I value friendship.

Life is short. Treasure your friends.