Once more with friends ,,, or the lack of it

I am feeling miserable again ... thought I could get over it, but I can't. It is not something I can just switch off. I though if I don't think about it, it is okay, but I was wrong. For nothing has changed.

It has been a while since I blog, I don't know if I will again, or this is one of the occasion that I really can't handle it but to blog this posting. Haiz ....

I turn to blogs to let it be a point of contact between me and them, to share my thoughts with some people dear to me, people that I considered my special friends. And most of all, I wanted to know more about them, I am always looking for updates on them. But they don't update me, neither can I gather much info from any of their blogs, if they have any. It didn't work. They didn't take time to check on me, nor update me on their lives. I know they may be busy, but I am never too busy for those I called my friends. Perhaps that is the difference. That I am not dear enough to them, as they are to me.

Without the chance to interact with them in person, blogs are my lifeline to their world. They could have help me to have a more meaningful life. I would have feel wanted. For I want to be wanted by them.

I treasure friends, time and time again I have mentioned it in all my blogs. But everytime, friendship has eluded me. I don't have any close friends, even though I have found people which I felt comfortable with. I don't blame any of them, I rather blame myself for wanting female to be my close friends. I may be open-minded, even letting my wife to have male companion for a close friend, but it is hard to find any female willing to be my close friend.

Haiz ... it isn't fair, but it is the fact of life. I feel miserable, wanting to have friends that I can meet up with, sharing and doing things together. I can see others having it, but not me.

This is the third time I couldn't go KL with anyone of them. Because I wasn't part of their circle of friends, I was too late. I really want to go KL with a group of friends.

I am going insane with this inability of getting friends that I want to be with. Friends mean a lot to me. Friends are the extension of ones family. Friends and Family go together to make a person complete.

I am incomplete. I can only be insane ....