30th July

Yesterday I was late for work. Twenty minutes. All because I went shopping in the morning. Metro at Tampines, again, which was having 80% off on most items due to it closing down. I like Metro. Used to visit it almost every week because I was working nearby. Hey, I worked there once, but left volunteerly due they didn't want to confirm me. Why should I put in my effort when they didn't appreciate me? Haha, well, I didn't really put in much effort at that time.

I have always enjoy being in the Kitchen section of a department store, like Isetan, Metro. I like Robinsons best. But I haven't been there lately though. It has good kitchen appliance section. All those shiny pots and pans and accessories, wow! So nice to see them on display. But they are pretty expensive there. If only I have the money, I will buy them and display in my kitchen, and use them when I do my cooking as well of course hehe. Only thing is, if I may do buy, I may want to buy a new house and have all the rooms turn into my kitchen! I will have the most humongous kitchen in Singapore!

I saw Nd yesterday. In my heart I was happy, but didn't want to sms her.It is so easy just to pickup the handphone and sms her. I wanted so much to. Though I did send a goodnite sms. I know I shouldn't. I still feel the urge to confide to her. Both she and Su. But I can't. Though there will be others, somehow, I will still feel the need to want to confide to Nd or Su, but I know it is something I can never will as they do not want me to. I don't blame them for not wanting to, afterall who am I to them? They are moving on with their lives, but I guess I am still stuck in my dream of wanting them to be my good friends.

But it is this dream perhaps that prevent me from going insane. And my online friends. I may have my family, but it is not enough. I know I am not living realisticly, some perhaps will advise me to give up. But for now, they are all I have. I have no confidence in the real world. I have failed too many times that it is not worth looking for something that may be impossible. Where can you find a world that accept male-female platonic relationship? Society don't accept it, even if those I care for may be willing to give it a try.

I am sentimental. I choose friends based on my feeling. They are good people, just that I was not meant to be their friend. I just hope that I am strong enough this time to be on my own.