Missing my friends ...

Day off yet I still went back to my workplace to eat at the foodcourt, not that I missed the food or they being very extraordinary. Oh well, perhaps I was tired of going to town to have my meal ... or just I missed them, and hoping that perchance I might get to see them. Which I didn't! So much of hoping and wishing ....

Friendship and relationship works best when two people talk it out, and come to an understanding. I hope they will be best friends again. I hope Zana will be fine.

The last two days I saw Suhaili, but we didn't speak. She didn't even bother to look at me. I was hoping she would. I still missed not having her friendship. I could use her friendship ...

I saw Yulie yesterday, finally after so long. I did miss her too, didn't speak to her much except the usual "Hi" and "Bye". As usual, she didn't seem to want to stay and talk, so I didn't. At least she still gave a smile, and two, I should be contented. I can't expect much from her, or any of them, as they only see me as a colleague and maybe a casual friend.

I have never stop wishing that they can be more than that, I want them to be my close friends, don't ask me why, just that I do. I need them, the two of them and Diana, but after all these years, I have not get any closer, only seem to get more distant as we seldom cross each other path. I don't get the chance to meet up with them and have proper conversation. So it is no wonder that they will not accept me as someone close.

I have lost any chance with Suhaili. And she was the 1st one who had changed my perception ..... she could have help me alot, maybe then I wouldn't have the need to blog. I do miss her.

I depend on sms, being not able to spend time with them, sms is all I have to keep in touch with them. But I don't have that either. I know they may be busy. I don't expect instant reply, even a day later will be good, as long as we can keep in touch. I can only guess that they are not keen to keep in touch.

This is another posting of how I miss those I want to be my close friend. I guess I will do the same in my next. I started blogging to ease my frustration of not having their friendship, I guess blogging about them is my way of not going insane.

Yet I may still be .... going insane. I don't blame them, just my luckless journey of finding close friend to accompany me. Yes having close friend may be a headache too, as someone may have encountered, but not having one is like not taking any panadol as headache will come, with or without a friend.

I will want to have a close friend by my side, and I will do the same to her when she needs one too.

I have come a long way since I first blogged. I have chatted up a number of online people along the way and have found some I care as much as my colleagues. Especially Su and Zana. I lost some along the way too. I wish they can be that close friend I want, but at least if I keep my distance, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much when I lose them. Afterall, we have never met. Yet they are as real to me. Perhaps I am just daydreaming that I can't care for them as much if they only exist online .... and it is not working haha.

I still miss them as much as the rest ... I guess I am silly to care for people. Treating them as close friends when they are not really.

I can only give my heart, I will not expect others to share theirs.

I am missing my friends ....

holiday ... i need it

It has been months and months I said I wanted to go KL, or even Phuket, again, but has not done so. It is because I dont have anyone to go with me yet. Haiz ... I don't want to go alone. But it seems likely I may have to go alone, as I don't have anybody to go with.

Haiz ....

I need a holiday again, I need to break my repetitive sequence of my current status.

If only they will want to go with me ....

Birthday wishes to Blackcat13

May all your wishes come true, Blackcat13!

colleague only

Samsidar turned a year older the other day, happy birthday!

People I come into contact with changes every now and then. It will do so again. Colleagues comes and goes. I wish we can be friends, close friends, doing things together outside of work. But I can only be a colleague. It is frustrating not feeling wanted, but they have other friends, who are more than colleagues. So am I to expect anything more. That is how it is, and will always be.

I need someone more than a colleague ....

My pain, my pain ..

Finally went back to CGH for a checkout, strange that the hospital didnt set any appointment for the surgery. Is it the norm that a person is left uncheck after an operation?

Even though the doctor said I was fine, I can't help feeling that it is more than meet the eyes. He said the pain is due to the nerve reconnecting, set an appointment in April for scanning. I don't know, I still feel that something is not fine inside. I have to wait till April to see what the scan will reveal. In the meantime, I just have to ignore the pain, which I still am getting yesterday ....

Once the body is cut open, it will never be the same again!

I miss my "friends", I want to spend time with them .... I am scared ... that I will never get the chance to do so ...