11 July

Yesterday we had dinner at CA, and ordered their 1 for 1 cakes, had a chocolate cheesecake and carrot cake. Their carrot cake had too many layers of cream, didn't quite like that. We remembered the one at Starbuck in Phuket which was much nicer.

After dinner, I suddenly found myself couldnt breathe, my nose felt like it was stuffed. Like one have when one has a cold. But more scary. But I didn't have a cold. For about an hour, I had to breathe through my mouth.

Funny thing is, I wanted to tell Nd. Maybe not unusual as often I thought of her whenever something happen, I want to share with her. Sometimes it is Su as well. But I can't, not anymore. I can't share with them or learn anything about them either. It sucks.

Nd has a new haircut. It is nice,, looks cute on her. But I prefer to see her with a slightly longer hair. But my opinion doesnt' matter anyway. So didn't share my view, no point.

Heard that there maybea reshuffle within the team. Some may go to teamA. I don't know if I should volunteer to join back. It would mean joining them again. But I don't like some of the people in the team. I don't know. Maybe it will be a waste of time. Don't even know how long they will be around. I don't know what I want anymore.

Though I have my family, it is not enough. I am feeling so lonely. I long for some real friends. But how can I have when I have stopped looking for one.

I am hurting inside ...