Sunday, January 3, 2010

Wedding bell for Farhana

My first posting for 2010 ...

Not a very good start to the new year for me. Without money, I can't celebrate. I never believe in money, but not having money can restrict what one wants to do. Haiz ....

Yesterday, went to my ex-shiftmate wedding, glad I could make it.

As usual, I went alone and being alone. Yes, my other colleagues were there, but I couldn't sit at the same table as there wasn't any space. Found two of them at a table, but they had finished eating by the time I got my food, they went off to the other table, so I ended up alone.

Oh well, most important was the reason for being there at Farhana's wedding. She was the reason I went. I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. Even when my wife had asked me to skip it. Even if I could be there for only 5mins, I would still go.

She was so lovely :) Watching her from a distance, I felt tears, like a father would seeing his daughter got married. Hmmm, there is two more "daughters" I will like to see when they marry too. I wonder if I will be around still when it is time. Will I get an invitation?

Or will they forget me by then ....

Monday, December 28, 2009

Christmas without Christmas

I am a Christian, yet I have no Christmas celebration. With work taking most of my Christmas, I don't even celebrate with my family. I was hoping it would be a good Christmas at work, but, my colleagues did't wish me. Only Adik remembered. I guess I should be satisfy with that. One is better than none.

How I wish I have a Christmas party ... celebration with friends ....

But of course, how do one celebrate when one has no close friend? I guess this is a Christmas joke to me, instead of a gift ....

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Alone at the ...

Once again, I was alone. It wasn't often I got to get an invite, but often I ended up being at the place alone.

I often decline to go unless the person means something, someone I take as a friend. As usual, people arranged to go without including me in their plans. I guess I should be used to it, but somehow I don't. Especially since I would like very much to be there together with them. At least one of them. She knew I was going too. If only I could be included in their arrangement. I would like to have some time outside of work to spend time together with her. In the end, when I reached there, she had left. I was there alone.

For several years, I didn't have any invitation. At least now I have a few. But ... I don't like to be at a wedding or engagement alone. Maybe I am better off not being invited .....

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas ...

Watching "This Christmas" on cable ...

I haven't feel christmas for a few years now, though it is still a special time of the year. I still make sure that the family get their christmas presents. Yet ...

Hearing the christmas songs in the movie, well, it was a nice feeling ...

"Hang all the mistletoe
Im gonna get to know you better, yeah
This christmas
And as we trim the tree
How much fun its gonna be together, yeah ha
This christmas

Fireside is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night
And this christmas, will be yeah
A very special christmas, for me yeah

Presents and cards are here
My world is filled with cheer and you, ohh yeah
This christmas
And as I look around
Your eyes outshine the town, they do
This christmas
Fireside is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night

And this christmas, will be
A very special christmas, for me yeah

Alright, break it down, ha ha ha

Ooh yeah, yeah yeah, alright
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Alright now, right now, now

Fireside, oh, is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night, yeah
And this christmas, will be, oh
A very special christmas, for me yeah
And this christmas, will be
A very special christmas, for me oh oh

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Merry christmas, ooh yeah
Gonna have a merry christmas, ohh yeah, oh oh
Merry christmas, oh it will be
Oh, a very very very special christmas
A very special christmas (this christmas)
Alright now, right now, yeah oh
It will be now, oh (this christmas)
Oh, this will be, this will be, baby
A very special
Have a merry merry christmas (hey yeah)
And a happy new year
Oh hey, alright, yeah yeah yeah
Merry christmas
This christmas
Oh this will be, this will be, baby
"

This Christmas sung by Chris Brown

Does it matter? ...

Thank you, for sparing your precious time with me

To me:

Even if you are no longer keeping in touch, I
will still care for you. I need you but I will not ask anything from
you.


-------------------------------------------------------------

Next to needing a close friend, Dance is
everything .... and when I start losing the passion for dance, I know I have
lost my desire to live


-------------------------------------------------------------

my friend is less to serve me, rather it is more about
me making them happy


-------------------------------------------------------------


Sms
is important to me. It keeps me in touch with those who matter to me. It is what
prevent me from going insane. They don't understand, I don't blame them. I am
just a fool thinking that he is wanted.


-------------------------------------------------------------

I may not show I care, but I do
...


=======================================