blog

Perhaps it is just as well that I don't have access to my PC as often nowadays. Maybe it is time I stop blogging. Who reads anyway? Not the friends that I treasure, friends that I want to share, knowing about their lives and telling about mine. Why should they bother about my problems?

I do care about theirs if any ....

Maybe I should finally do what I have been telling myself to do ... keep quiet, like I used to be.

It is time to end my blogging, and be the nobody.

Erti hidup .... the insanity of my life ......

August 1st

Suhaili's birthday is coming, wondering if I should wish her. I can drop a message on her facebook. Probably she will not even acknowledge my message, as often she had chosen to ignore messages that I sent.

She could have been my best friend ....

Cry with me, not for me.

Don't dwell on the sadness, or you will miss the happy stuff. Life may seem short, but don't make it shorter.

If I should die, I will not want those I care and love to be sad. I want them to remember the happy time we shared.

Don't cry for me when I am gone, you should cry with me when I am still around, to share time with me, and keep me company when I am lonely. Smile with me, laugh with me. When I am gone, I will not hear your crying. I can't comfort you, which I very much will want to do.

I want to share time with you while I still can. Will you let me?

work or dream ...

Last week I saw Marina Bay Sand as I was going to Lau Pau Sat. MBS looks awesome, a good place to work, before I retire. But of course it will be just a wish, a dream. Not likely to happen as I doubt I can get a new job that is comfortable for a living to support myself and my family at my age.

I had enjoyed working in the hotel line, I enjoyed F&B too. I wish I had chosen it again when I came back from Phuket. I just grab the first job I could. I don't know, whether it is good or bad choice, there is no turning back.

So I can only dream on ....

nice guy is not for keeping

It is not worth being a nice guy!

Yesterday, a new colleague said I was a nice guy. Again another person has said that. So what?!! What is the point of being a nice guy if one is alone and feeling lonely? I don't get invite to join them when they relax and having their meals. Or when they have social outing. I am only good for being there to help them.

A nice guy is someone who one goes to when the usual friend is not there to help. A nice guy is not someone one will have when one wants to have fun. Nice to have, but not for keeping!

Curse of being a nice guy!

D for ...

D-Day! 17th June. Wishing her, Happiness always!

Family plus friends equal ...

We need family, but we need friends too ....

Yes, it is often said that family matters, family is more important than friends. Friends may not turn out to be real friends.

But human needs interaction, from more than his own family. The world we live in open up our environment that does not merely surround the family alone. The human feeling needs more than the family to make a person complete. The social circle is also part of the person's life. It comes with problems often, just like family, but it is what living is all about. Only fairyland is happy ever after. Sometimes haha.

We can have a happy family, but still not a happy heart. Family and friends makes living complete.

Trust me, I know, for I am lagging in friends, close friends .... and I don't feel complete. Inside me, I feel sad.

My heart longs for friend ...

Didy on 17th

Her birthday!

If only I can spend her birthday with her ... never was able to, and unlikely to ... haiz ....

tweet tweet

Now another link to keep in touch with Didy. She has allowed me to follow her on twitter.

In my heart I have many friends, but in reality, I have none. I can only be someone looking from a distance. I know I can't spend time with any of them, to get update on them. Like a friend would when they get to meet up. Me, my only link with them is what I can get online. That is why having link with them online is important to me.

I want to be their real friend. I want a real friend. In this society, it is hard ... people dont believe friendship can exist between a male and female, especailly when one is married.

Reality sucks!

zana

wishing Zana a wonderful birthday!

my ex shiftmate

I saw Samsidar yesterday, she is back to operation work. She is still limping. I feel sad for her. So young and this had to happen to her. One serious accidents can change one's life. May she heal soonest. If only the doctor had did something earliest, maybe she would have recovered by now.

I miss helping her. Now that we are not shiftmate any longer, I will not get to see her that often.

I miss her friendship ....

video taking

It has been a while since I last used my videocam. I want to take more video, specially performances. I miss recording performance videos.

Used to take photos, those film type. Especially dance performances. I don't have any slr camera, but this camera I am using is good enough I suppose. I want to take photos too. Performance shooting. With my camera and videocam, I will be happy snapping away. But lately got no event for me to take. I have lose touched with the dance group. No dance event outside too. Those that I can attend to anyway. Haiz ....

I miss doing these ...

I don't want my camera and videocam to die .... out of silent!

waiting for a friend

A little disappointed today, there was time, but I didn't get the chance as someone else wanted her time.

I wanted to hear about her trip. But I will listen to anything she want to chat.

I know I can't expect her to devote her time for me, I don't want her to. She has other friends. I have to wait. Maybe I get another opportunity, maybe not.

I will wait ... because I am her friend.

I will wait ... for anyone I consider my friend.

ex-colleagues

Nordiana has left, now Farah. I will miss them ....

Ex-colleagues tend to disappear from my life. They have formed part of the jigsaw puzzle to my life story. Every time I lost a puzzle piece, there is a gap in my story. I feel sad ... I can only wish them happiness .....

Too many missing parts can make a big hole ......

new page

And so, as my daughter goes into poly, I have come into a new page in my life.

There will be changes, there will be new timing and places that I will have to adjust to. The last few weeks, Woodland interchange has been constant rendezvous. I had been there yesterday and this morning, and I expect more haha.

Other than these, nothing else has changed much.

sharing

Avocado gave me access to her blog. really appreciate that. The best thing a friend can do is sharing her life with you.

Thanks.

Now, if only she will update more often haha ....

face the book

I had intended to make the account private with only special friends, so I could check for updates on them. But it is not to be.

Suhaili and Samsidar were not in the list anyway ....

I have opened up the account, letting those who wanted to add me to do so. It is now like my first account. I suppose even without my head showing, I can't hide in facebook.

another Blackcat's day ...

Blackcat13 is celebrating her birthday today, hope she has a great day ....

Happy Birthday dear ....

Samsidar

Samsidar's birthday is today, may all her wishes come true. It has been a while since I last met her, I do hope her injury will heal completely soonest.

I seem to only able to wish my special friends online and sms. I do wish I can celebrate with them, but ... Haiz, I don't have the luck.

Still, I hope I can get to see Samsidar today to wish her in person ...

Losing a colleague ...

Losing a colleague, who was and always be a special friend to me.

We didn't get to speak much, nor meetup since our works hardly see us working together. Still, I will miss her .....

Dear Nordiana, may your future be of happiness and everything you need ..... take care ...

CNY Valentines' or Valentines' CNY day

Two special occasions sharing one day does not make it special ...

So what will you wish your loved one first? In any case it is not important I suppose haha.

midnight to sick

Down, as expected, after doing several days of midnight shifts ..... I am sick ....

CNY is coming, the wifey wanted some new household appliances, she got it. Lucky for me, I had managed to secure some cash from the sale of one of my insurances.

Now that my dancing rehearsal is over, I have to find the urge to exercise on my own .... that is not going to be easy haha.

You got a friend ...

She probably saw my face now, but I doubt it will make any difference. I fear that I have lost my chance of being her best friend, even if it is only online.

The real world? Having a real whole is as distance as the Sun, though the Sun will likely to meet the Earth one day, long before I will ever find a best friend.

People speak about losing friends, as fast as they gain new one. Best friends may be lasting for some, and not for some. I have never really gain one, so maybe that is a good sign? I was willing to go through the heartache of having a best friend, if in the end, we still remain best friend.

But stay not the thought ... it is only a dream far away. Life is not fair ... I don't expect it to be so ....

"When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand ......"
so goes the lyrics by James Taylor

I will still be your friend .....

shiftmate ... or not

Samsidar will be getting back to work, glad she is getting better.

I am going to lose my shiftmate, again.

birthday dura

Yesterday was Dura birthday, Happy Birthday Dura!

head, shoulder, knee and toe

Body is showing wear and tear ....

Yesterday, one of the knee reacted to my constant dancing routine. I thought it would fail me. But felt the sharp piercing pain only 3 times.

Well, maybe there goes my plan of going for dance classes to get some exercise.

Yet .... I really want to go for the classes .....

Good news!

Yes, good news that she has got nice result in her "O", and to wait which poly she can get in ...

Another good news, the second one got exemption from mother tongue. At least she will be less stress now.

Wedding bell for Farhana

My first posting for 2010 ...

Not a very good start to the new year for me. Without money, I can't celebrate. I never believe in money, but not having money can restrict what one wants to do. Haiz ....

Yesterday, went to my ex-shiftmate wedding, glad I could make it.

As usual, I went alone and being alone. Yes, my other colleagues were there, but I couldn't sit at the same table as there wasn't any space. Found two of them at a table, but they had finished eating by the time I got my food, they went off to the other table, so I ended up alone.

Oh well, most important was the reason for being there at Farhana's wedding. She was the reason I went. I wouldn't want to miss it for the world. Even when my wife had asked me to skip it. Even if I could be there for only 5mins, I would still go.

She was so lovely :) Watching her from a distance, I felt tears, like a father would seeing his daughter got married. Hmmm, there is two more "daughters" I will like to see when they marry too. I wonder if I will be around still when it is time. Will I get an invitation?

Or will they forget me by then ....