May 31

Woke up 0730 as usual though it is my off-day. And a public holiday. Never like to sleep till late in the morning, even though I may be sleepy.

A good chef must innovate and create. I cooked my apple fried rice for my dear again. This time she ate it. She like it haha.

I came back from the PC show at suntec. This is the 1st time I went on the first day. Being a public holiday as well, the crowd was expected. A few occasions I was practically standing there, unable to move. I was disappointed because I couldn't get to do what I want. I was thinking of getting a laptop (again) but don't know lah, maybe not now. I left just purchasing a set of printer cartridges and headphone.

I like the new food court at the Suntec lobby, designed like the colonial period.

The prices are more than the usual, but I supposed if one wants to soak the atmosphere, one can be willing to pay the extra. I find the cleaners dressed more to what one will find in a restaurant. They definitely do not look like a cleaner. A high class cleaner? haha

Okay, will be going out in a while to Parkway Parade.

Drawing and Me

I don't draw much nowaday. I did this a couple of days back,


This one below was done last month,


I have never been good in doing original drawing. I am more a copy-cat. I draw better when I copy somebody drawing and try to reproduce them. I used to make a few comics, but looking back at them, they were pretty raw, just some simple figures all over the places haha. Maybe I will do comics again when I retire.

I guess my life is like my drawing ... I need others. I depend on them to make myself looks good haha. Just like my drawing, I need to have other people to show the better side of me. Well, anyway, telling myself I am good is not the same as others telling me I am.

Even if I am haha

May 29

The other day, I wanted to go to Liang Court, waited for the free shuttle at Raffles mrt. Saw this free shuttle to Central, so gave it a try. I didn't have much time, so my dear and I just looked for a place for our dinner there. We ended up at the food court even though there were many restaurants. Okay, next time I will choose the restaurant. The dessert stall at the food court was more expensive than other food court. I enjoy having dessert. And good dessert don't have to be expensive. The ice kachang at hawker center especially the one at people park taste better.

Tomorrow I am off, finally after 7 days of works. Maybe tonight I will go out. Today is Tuesday, feel like going to Changing Appetite to have their cheesecakes haha. Hmm, maybe I will.


This is the shoe that is giving way, but I am still wearing it haha. I like this design, it is a waste if I just throw it away as it can still be worn. But I don't know how long more before it becomes too obvious haha.


I tried this the other day. It is a fried rice with tomato and apple with herbs. I think it was okay. I cooked for my dear, but she didn't get to eat it as she was busy that night and the next day. So I finished it as didn't want to keep it another day, will cook for her again another time.


June is around the corner. Two very special persons' birthdays are in June. But I know I will not be able to celebrate with them. All I can do is to wish them, and hope that that day will be a wonderful day for them.

GSS

It is the time of the year again. It is the GSS! Time to shop. But hey, when did I ever stop shopping haha.

Maybe this year I can get some good bargains. Not forgetting to win some prizes from the various lucky draws. Most, if not all shopping malls have some kind of promotions and to get the best deal, and maybe some free items, one needs to know and remember each mall promotion. It is not easy to remember which malls are having what promotions and sale. Last year I bought some things from a certain mall which I could get a better deal if I had gone to another mall.

Yes I know there will always be sale. We have the most number of sales in a country I think haha. So one more sale event is always good hehe.

Sale is about getting the best with the least, that is, the best deal at the least amount one will pay. It is not always possible to get the cheapest, but at least hopefully to get a good discount. Only a fool will buy at the full price. Well, sometimes I do become a fool haha.

Happy shopping everyone!

Caring for friends

I can only presumed she is understuding to do a officer duty. Did try to ask her, but she didn't reply. I hope she can take the extra pressure. Maybe it is easier for her. Besides, she has plenty of friends should she needs people to talk to. Sometimes one need friends to help ease the pressure from workstress. I didn't have any, having to put up the stress alone. That is why I gave up. Or maybe I am just not cut out to be an officer. I have always been a follower, not an authoritive figure. I wish I can be assigned to her, maybe I can be around to help her if ever she needs it. But, she probably will not ask me, she has others to help her. That is good, whether I am the one or others, as long as she has someone to help her.

I always end up choosing somebody who is not interested in talking to me. I have only a few people that I will gladly chat with, but if none of them want to talk to me, I don't have anybody, unlike them. They are all I have. They don't understand, how having their friendship is important to me. *sigh* That is all I want - their friendship. What is the point of finding friends when one cannot be friends? Maybe I should stop acting from my heart. I cannot be emotional about who I want to have as my friends. I shouldn't follow my heart about how I feel about a person I want as my friend. It has never worked.

And it will not work with B either. She has also given sign that she is not interested. I should stop thinking that I can choose who I want as a friend. She may be perfect when seeing her with others, but that is no use as long as she does not want to be my best friend.

I know I keep coming back to this same subject. It has never left my thought. Even if I don't blog about it, I will still think about them, those who I care. Friends are most important to me, maybe more than my family. For without friends in my heart, I know it will be difficult for me to handly my family life. Though they may not want to be my friend, though they may ignore me, but I will still care for them. That is something that nobody can stop.

It is too late not to want to care those few, I can only stop myself from being soft and sentimental in the future.

To those few, I can pretend they don't matter to me, if that is what they want, but I can't lie to myself that they do matter. That in my heart, I will be there for them if they need me ... they will always be my friends. My special friends.

CHIJ Katong pri

CHIJ katong primary ... or what is left of it .... such a waste!




When I first stepped into the school, I felt like I had entered a resort. It had the resort-like feel about it. No, I didn't study here, think they will find it difficult to have a guy studying in the convent haha. But if I ever had that chance, I would have chosen this place. Now, the building is torn down to make way for new.

Shoes on sale

Got myself these shoes ..

white and red ... Singapore color haha .. maybe keep it for N-Day lolz
this brown one from S&K going for $15.


Okay ... just came back from shopping .. bought some snacks at Isetan. Cadbury chocs 3 for $11.


oh oh ... danceal on sale hunt again .....

Handphone ...

Nice handphone to have. If only I can buy all haha

This touchscreen, you can write on the screen. Nice

Hmm .. green ...

Don't know if I still want a slider. But the look is nice.

A flip, have always wanted a flip. And in red! I like it!

May 21

Bought a new shoe for work, the present one is imitating a crocodile mouth, though it is still at the "close" stage. I don't want to wait till it learns to do a "open and close" stage. Nowaday, shoes doesn't seem to last very long, with the joint usually giving way too fast. Either the glue they are using now are poor quality or the quality is not like it used to be.

Was at Orchard on Sunday, I haven't been in town on the weekend for quite some time. But I couldn't stay as long as I intended to. Had lunch at Food Republic at Wisma, ate the timsum again. Ordered only those with prawn filling. But I do miss the timsum at Neptune, everything there tasted delicious.

Grilled some chicken for dinner for the kids while I made myself some spaghetti. It was showing Underworld: Evolution on HBO. I had been waiting for it, couldn't get the vcd. If only the movie had more colour, Kate would look better in colour haha. Funny, those classic movies, they had digitised colour into them, while we see less colour in movies like Underworld, Batman and some others.

The Pleasure of Peeling ....

As I was peeling my prawn, my mind was reminded of an article that came out in the newspapers some years ago. That article prompted several readers to write in to voice their views.

Frankly I can't remember exactly what it was all about, just that roughly it was whether a wife should or shouldn't peel prawns for her husband. Well, for me, it doesn't matter if she do or not. For I will be the one who will gladly peel the prawns for her. I enjoy pampering those I care haha. Whether wife, kids or friends, I will find pleasure in doing the peeling. Life is about making those you care happy. And the happiness of being wanted by them.

Be it family or friends, for without them, my life is empty ... just like the empty shell of a prawn.

May 18

I seldom get sick, but when I do, it can be quite bad. This time was just as bad, my whole body was aching. Every cough I coughed, some other part would hurt. I felt so weak, couldnt stand more than an hour, felt like I would faint. Maybe this was the worse spell yet. But throughout my sickness, I have never lose my appetite. That is one thing about me, whether I am sick or tired, I will still have the desire to eat. Although it may be for different things haha.

I missed my chocolate. After days of avoiding it, I ate some yesterday. How delicious it was! Yum-yum!! Chocolate has never tasted so good when it melted in my mouth haha. Hey, I heard somewhere that it said dark chocolate is good for cough.

I don't know if they will select me for their next performance. I hope I can do it. But my dear has one. I am happy for her. After so many years, she finally get a chance to dance again.

Was caught in the rain yesterday. Looks like it is going to rain today. I can hear thunder.

Finally I got a taste of ayam penyet. Have been thinking of trying it ever since I read from Zana. I found one at Marina Square


The set came with a piece of sliced cucumber, tahu, tempe and kangkong with a very nice and spicy belacan. Photos are blurry but you can get an idea what they offer

Misplaced

It has been a few days already, looks like I will not be able to get back my book. I couldn' remember where I left it. Not at all. My memory is dead siah. Haiz... I can only hope the person who find it will find the book useful. If he is a muslim, hope he will be a better muslim. If he is not, then hope he will understand and be more tolerant of those who are.

The last time I misplaced a book, I was lucky to get it back, though after I had bought a replacement. So shall I get another one? This time I don't think I will get it back.

The last time, I was lucky the person knew I was the one. Hey, she recently lended me a movie about the Prophet. The movie, The Messenger, gave me a visual of what I had read.

Life has never been the same for me since I started learning of him.

May 11

It's Friday. So? No weekend party, still will be working. I have stopped looking forward to weekend ages ago. Except for sale! You will usually find more sale adverts on the weekend. My main draw to the newspapers is the sale adverts haha, not the headline. I probably will save money if I don't buy the newspapers, but then, I will miss out on any good sale event or item. Do I really save the money this way? No idea haha. Hmmm .. if the money I save by not buying any newspaper for a week, maybe I don't need to wait for a sale. Maybe worth giving that a thought hehe.

Today, I have a briefing to attend later, think I probably will doze off. Nowaday I am always feeling sleepy at odd timing. I may seem to be working but I am half asleep ... or is it half awake?. Probably mean the same thing hehe. But it is not surprising. I don't do much sleeping. Yesterday, maybe got less than two hours of sleep. I don't like to sleep .. probably will not go to bed if it is not a requirement ;-)

Work ... don't want to talk about it.

Sometimes I wish I am more thick-skinned when dealing with people. I usually ended up doing the opposite of what I want these days. I really want so much to just go up to them and chat, asking if they want to join me for a meal. But I am afraid of rejection. Really afraid. It shouldn't be, being rejected so many times .. to put it mildly. But I can only wait for them to ask me. And that can seem like forever. I want to be the one to make them laugh .. but I can only watch them, as they have a laugh with others. At least they are having a good time.

Someone said it again. "I am a nice guy". I hate it when people said this. I rather be a bad guy as long as I can join them. What is the point of being "nice" when they don't invite me to be part of their activities? It bring back to the question of being "thick-skinned", maybe I should crash in, whether they want me around or not. But I am not that sort. I rather they accept me, especially those few. It is more a matter of being accepted by them.

They mean a lot to me ... those few, and I want them to feel the same about me. But ... it will stay a wish that will not come true.

I can't help wondering how they are getting along. Especially S as she is away. I can't help worrying for her. It is a terrible feeling not knowing what is happening. It is said no news is good news. But sometimes hearing no news just mean that I don't know anything.

Last night I learnt to land on my left leg when I came down the bus, which I was stupid enough to let my right leg touched first previously.

Feeling drained .. I want to stop thinking ... though I seem to be able to do that while working haha. But my head don't seem to want me to stop daydreaming.

I am tired ...

Watch it!

Bought myself this ring to go with my new watch. It had a defect but I like it very much, got a discount for the watch so it is okay, can't see it anyway so nobody will know about it except me. Oops .. now whoever read this will know too.

May 7

Another Sunday has become history ... I decided to cook the basic beansprout dish. Nice old taugay cooked with salted fish, plus the punch of chilli padi. Okay lah, don't know if you can call this basic haha. It has been a long time since I cooked beansprout. Hmm .. am thinking if it will go nice with basil, maybe will try one day. I can cook my minced beef with basil too with the packet of basil leaves. I can't remember when was the last time I did my apple pie, I may want to do on my next off day. But ... see how lah haha.

Don't want to talk about work.

========

It didn't help that my hope is doomed. It is one thing having a feeling that things will never work out ... and realising that it IS not going to work out. I can never have a best friend, somebody close that I can turn to, sharing our happiness and sadness. Even should I find someone that I feel can be one, there is no point telling that person. Just like those before, we can never be close. Just because we are not the same gender.

The sad thing is ... friendship still means a lot to me.

MAY 6

Sunday ... will it be a good Sunday?

I didn't do anything at the practice yesterday morning. Like last week. The little girl didn't come either. I missed the girl haha. So got nothing for me to do except just watch them practising. I didn't stay long, left an hour earlier than I was planning to.

I decided to go down to Parkway to check the new handphones as I still got an hour. I still don't know if I should get another one. I can get the cheaper one ... but I don't. I have my eyes on the N95. But it is beyond my budget. Frankly I don't really need to get a new phone ... but haha, my hands are itchy on getting a new one. Preferbly with 3G and wifi. Maybe I will wait for the N76. But probably it will be on the higher price end also. Haiz ...

Yesterday got to a good start at work. Even though we didn't talk, it was good enough for me just working with her. Saw adik as well. Didn't message her though I wanted to. *sigh* if only she will message me, I need some distraction. But I suppose sending sms to me seem redundant for her, now that she got a boyfriend. I am happy for her. I hope she will remember me if she get married one day. I do wish to be at her wedding. But I will not be surprise if I am not invited. Most probably I will be long forgotten once neither of us work here anymore. That probably will be the same as with the others. *sigh* Out of sight out of mind. But I will still think of them when I think of this place.

They changed my duty, as expected. It didn't matter.

Nearly missed my transport as I stayed back to help. Had to rush. Ankle hurting. But the worst part was when I jumped down from the bus .. ouch! Stupidest thing to do! ouch ouch!

Friendship

Maybe it was stupid of me. I didn't want to annoy her again. But I think I did it again. I should have just kept to asking about S and stopped further sms. In trying to explain myself, I have made it worse.

There is no way of explaining to her that I truly see her and S as my closest friends, even though they may not regard me as one. Sometimes a person comes along, and somehow you feel comfortable with them, that you feel good when you are together, that you want them as your best friend. Someone you trust. Certain things are hard to explain. You just feel it. I felt it when I was with them. Maybe it would have worked if I was female too. Maybe it wouldn't. N has found a new friend, they seem close. I envy that girl. She gains N's friendship what I was trying for the whole of last year but in vain. Like I said before, it helps to foster the relationship when you got the opportunity to do things together often, friendship will blossom better. The bond is there. I didn't have that opportunity. At least I want to believe that, and not because they don't like me. haha. Okay, lighten up danceal, don't want to cry while writing this.

I hope S is alright. Something must be wrong to make her take a long leave of absence. I am worry but there is nothing else I can do. Without any news, I can only hope for the best for her. I want to sms her, but it may end up with her getting annoy at me as well. She has stated that I shouldn't message her when she is with her family.

This is giving me a headache, not knowing what is happening. Yes, if they want their privacy, I will respect that. I have always done that. I only want to know because I do care for them. Friendship has always been close to my heart. Even though often I may be the only person who cares about the friendship.

I didn't want to write about my friendship with them here. I had done plenty in moblog and myspace. I know there is a limit to what a person will want to read, before he finds it irritating. I have been an irritating person to those I want to care. It is time I let them be. I can only be a friend from a distant, hoping I may get to help them from time to time.

What is friendship without being there when they need it.

I am still a sms addict. I have lost everyone that I could and want to sms to. Sms had helped me to convey my thoughts but it is also maybe why they have stopped replying. No, it is the reason why I lost them. Who wants to receive sms about someone who is not your friend? Now, the only way to please my crave is to type out what I will want to message them, then instead of sending it, will delete it. I will not expect to get any reply this way, at least I know the reason why there is no reply now haha. This is what I am doing now, and will be doing. I still want to message them, but I know I shouldn't. Hopefully my addiction will stop, though it has been two years and I still find the need to sms. I know I will still check regulary for any incoming sms, though I know I will not find any from those I want to hear from.

Haiz ... if only friendship is less complicated. If only every person you wish to have as your close friend feel the same way too. But the reality is not like that. The pain of friendship, makes you treasure those you care even more if they accept you.

Funny thing is, even if they don't accept me, I will still treasure them. I know they will make good friends, even if it is to someone else, and not me.

This post started all because I wish to know how S is. S is the 1st person I wish to have as my close friend since I lost Chris. I can only hope and pray she will be fine.

Web and Wet

I saw Spider-Man 3

Good vs Evil in everyone of us! Yes, Peter Parker has to decide who he really is or want to be. Revenge may be sweet, but what do we gain, besides satisfaction of seeing "justice" done? Only we ourselves have the answer.


A man is his own enemy. The battle is within as much as on the outside.

Boy, used to be when you need to take a leak, you could rush to the toilet within the hall and back in no time to carry on the show, costing only a few minutes. Nowaday, one has to go outside to look for the toilet, losing precious time and may make you lose ten minutes at least of your screen time. There were moments when I felt like crying at some tender scenes, but I had to hold back, as I feared that the liquid that flowed would be more than from my eyes. I had already taken a leak before the show started, mind you. Heck, less than an hour into the movie and I was feeling heavy on the bladder. Had to control till the movie end. What to do! Don't want to miss any part of the movie lah.

Spider-Man 3 also sees Peter dancing! I like it hahaha.

If someone will ask me if I want to see the movie again, I will gladly say yes. I know I will definitely get the dvd or vcd. And watch it on tv when it is telecasted haha.

As Stan Lee would say, Enuff said.

=====

My ankle still hurts. And I haven't been dancing for a while. It will get worse if I performance again. But I need to .... to keep me going ..... now more than ever.

May 2

I usually do not bother to check the links to her friends. But when she didn't log in on Monday, and didn't reply to my im, I feared for the worst. So checked her friend's blog, found out that her grandfather has passed away. Though I don't know both of them personally, I can't help feeling sad for her. May he rest in peace! Hope jas will be okay.

There is this anonymous creep who keeps bothering jas and now, as I discovered, bothering her friend too. I know that when we create a tagboard, we are opened to strangers as well as friends. I suppose there is nothing else to do about it, short of taking the tagboard away. But then, it will mean putting an end to the interactive part of the blog, which is one interesting ingredient of having a blog. I guess this is the hazard we must face. Having a tagboard opens the door to spammers and annoying taggers, but it also help to link one to online friends. Tagboards have help me to chat with some very nice bloggers. That is why I have added a tagboard to my blog. Hopefully they will tag me haha.

Yesterday I got reprimanded for my work. Okay, I knew I was slow, I had trouble with the system. I did my best to correct it as fast I could. But it seemed I had taken 45mins as they said, way too long. He lectured me too like it was 45mins. If they wanted to blacklist me, there is nothing else I can do. Frankly I don't bother anymore. Even when there was a hint of threatening to fire me.

I do care about retaining this job, I need the money. But I don't know how much I can take working here feeling depressed. I need friends. Friends are the only way to help one cope with stress. But it seems unlikely that I will get from those I really want to be my friends here. Hey, heck, I don't even have anyone anywhere. One that I can turn to anytime.

I am lucky if someone reply at all to my sms. Otherwise my handphone only beeps to incoming adverts and promotional smses, or when someone want to change shift with me. Seem people only think of me when they want to change shift.

I did get a reply message from someone yesterday, it doesn't matter if it was long delayed, but I am happy just getting a reply at all. Hearing from her did lifted up my mood. It was the second time she messaged me while I was here, while I was feeling moody at this regular hideout, a place where there are plenty of people, and yet I feel that I am alone. Maybe the trees in front of me give me the illusion that I am somewhere else. Or simply I think I am invisible haha. I do seem invisible as nobody talks to me, and I talk to nobody. This is the spot where I went to when I had friendship trouble with Chris. It is a place where I do some thinking (heck I do that everywhere actually haha), contemplate on issues, daydreaming, do some reading when I am in the mood. Or just simply to defrost from the air-con.

I can only daydream about friendship. Maybe it is impossible for me to find close friends, as the people I wish will be are always from the opposite sex, which is doom from the start for not many people are willing to accept male-female close friendship, which people don't believe is possible.

Life is short. Their lives will go on ... with or without me.

Labour

Today is Labour Day, or May Day as it is called here. So what is May Day to you? It doesn't make any impact on me as I will still be working.

When I think of "labour", I don't relate to workers sweating (and cursing?) their lives to a job they may or not enjoy doing. When I think of "labour", my mind relates the word to an expectant mother, perspiring and breathing heavily as she awaits her child to enter the world. I can't say I know how it feels going through the pain, but having share the experience before, I will advice any guy to appreciate the woman he makes love to and for putting her into such pain. She deserves more from you than sex.

Perhaps the greatest "labourer" is the mother, she who don't even get a day off from being a mother. And she don't get pay for her continuous work in bringing up her child.

A mother is not an easy job, and not everyone qualifies. There is no degree or diploma for someone to pursue to learn the finer art of being a mother. But the job demands the greatest talent from the person who choose to undertake it. Perhaps someone should start a course in the finer art to be a mother.

Maybe Labour Day should be dedicated to mothers of the world too, and let them have a day off, away from the children. Afterall, Mother's Day is a day of celebration with the children, so let today be a day for her to do whatever she wants, with whoever she wants ... and not with her children.

Happy Labour Day! Happy May Day!