wishing for a "son" ....

The other day I was reminded of a wish I had a few years back. I was wishing I could be the godfather of Suhaili's son. It would have sealed our friendship, and I would have a "son" haha. And with her second son, I would have two "sons" to play with. If we were best friends ....

But I never got to have that wish ....

not a good Raya

This hasn't been a good Raya for me. I wish someone will invite me to her place for Raya.

This Raya, I seem to lose people that matter ...

I wish BC will message me ...
I wish Bai didn't have to leave the team ...
But I wish them well .... and always be happy.

I have nobody again ....

Selamat Hari Raya

This song sung by Dayang is my favourite, though it has been sung by others. First heard it on Zana's blog, I immediately like it. And it has become special to me ... not only the song but the occasion ....

Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Fitri!

anyone out there ...

I know I have lack of friends, so it shouldn't be surprising that I have nobody commenting on my blogs or facebook. Still, I can't help feeling sad, that nobody is interested in reading anything I wrote. Not that I have anything worthy for anyone to read. Still ....

I know I should be writing for myself, yet inside me, I am hoping that there will be someone out there who is interested in me, what I have to say, even if it is repetitively boring. A writer needs a reader. If not, why does he even bother to write? If there is anyone out there reading my posting, I do wish he/she will make himself or herself known, so that I will have motivation to write, perhaps writes something more meaningful. If only so, but I doubt there is anyone.

Haiz, maybe it is time I stop. I have so many things to write, yet I am feeling depressed, making it reluctant to write. And when I do, whatever I had in mind, don't come out. Often I ended up telling how depress I was.

I often commented on others posting, wishing that they too will write on mine too. I hardly had any. I want to blame it on my poor posting, perhaps that is the reason that people don't bother to comment. I hope so ...

Life is action and inter-action. I wish that there is someone out there who will comment on my posting .... I want to know that ...

waiting for her message ..

I don't know why she didn't reply to me. She probably has a reason. If she don't want to message me, then I can only wait... and hope she will again one day. Nothing much I can do, can I?

I need her to keep me sane, but she don't need me. She has other friends. People need friends. Me included. But I have yet to find someone who needs me as much as I need her. Yes, it will probably be a her. So far, those I am keen to have as a close friend is always a her. Perhaps I believe a female can be more understanding. Not many guys can. But I know that a woman can be emotionally wicked to a guy if she is upset. I guess I will be putting myself at risk and mercy of that friend, if ever one will accept me. But it is part and parcel of making friend. There will be good days, as well as bad. Maybe others are not as tolerance, but as long as I believe in them, I will be. I understand the value of true friend. Something I have long for, but yet to have ...

Till then, I can only depend on my luck to be at the right place at the right time when they need someone to confide ... that I can be a friend, even if it may only be temporary ....

Friends and amusement park

I have all along believe that if one cannot have them as your close friends, the next best thing is working or doing things together. Maybe in time they will accept you. If there is time ...

I may be losing someone again ...

I have no friends outside of my workplace. My colleagues are all I have. I enjoy their companionship, it makes going to work more acceptable. Work may not be friendly, but having friends make the workplace friendly. It helps reduce the stress level.

If friendship goes beyond the workplace, that will be ideal. But ideal don't happen often. Dreams are make of meeting up at some malls and shopping together, meeting up for food session, going to the movie, or just hanging out to chitchat. Dreams will remain a dream.

I need them for companionship, for friends are just as important as family, if not more. I may be easy to get along with, but like everyone, I do choose whom I like to be close with. The trouble is they may not feel the same. Yes, colleague okay, but they don't choose me as someone they want to have as a close friend ... a best friend. I suppose that they being female makes it more difficult, as people see male-female friendship bondage is not possible. I do. That is why I have never stop my wife from having a male best friend.

I need a best friend ... everyone does. But I have yet to get one, even though I have found a few I like. I am not fated to have a best friend. I envy others who have, even jealous. Long ago, when my wife had no friend, I was hoping that my friends can be hers too. Now, she had found a few, yet I still have nobody. I can only envy her when she goes out with them for eating sessions or hanging out. I have only the workplace to hope for, hoping everyday that I may be lucky to have someone to keep me company. But only at work, as outside the workplace, I do not have anyone that I can go out with if my wife does not want to accompany me.

As I have written countless of times on my blogs, I feel empty of friends, as those I have at work, in reality are actually only colleagues. Once work is over, I don't get to see or socialise with them. I wish I can. It is like going to an amusement park, happy while you are there, but once you leave the place, you are left only with the memory.

I wish my world can be an amusement park ... and I can have my friends with me always ...

a second chance please

What can we do if someone doesn't want to keep in touch? Nothing ...

It has been over four years, and she still doesn't want to be my friend. I guess it was all my fault, I told her I wanted her to be my best friend. But she didn't want.
I wasn't given the opportunity .... now, still unable to get the chance ... a second chance .....

I wish I can have a second chance ... please ...