Everytime I see a group of friends spending time together, I feel envy. I just hope that they will know how to appreciate and treasure their friendship. It seems that some people don't. Recently I overheard someone remarked about one of her friends. People tend to rather leave their friend alone, ignoring them if there is sign of problem instead of trying to find out why and maybe sort out any misunderstanding if any. Sometimes it may work, but at times, it will only cost the friendship to lapse. If one really treasure the friendship, one should make an effort to talk to the person. But some people don't bother as they have other friends, or know they can always get new one easily. Maybe sometimes it is best to let go, but some friends are worth trying to keep. Too bad the mentality is that new friend is easily attainable, so why bother to solve any sign of strained relationship. Sad.
I am rather emotional, and if I feel good about someone, I rather try to keep my friendship with them, even if they will not reciprocate the feeling. Even if they do not wish to be my close friend. Call me stupid, call me silly, but I treasure those that I consider friends even if we are not real friends in reality. They will always be special in my heart.
Heard about Su, finally, although very brief, and I do not fully understand her condition. She is given hospital leave because she is weak, maybe till her time to deliver. I wish I can visit her, as what a friend will do, but I know I can't. May God looks after her and her baby.
Chris birthday has passed, I sent an email to wish her. She didn't really reply, just like any of my emails in the past. Oh well, obviously she didn't want to renew our friendship. But I still care for her as my friend.
All I ask from any of them is their friendship. I need them ... as a friend that I can confide, spend time together, helping each other. Whatever reasons they may have for rejecting me, I will not question it. To them it may seem valid. I wish they will talk to me about it, instead of just ignoring me. At least then, I can understand why.
I know what I want from their friendship is not easily acceptable, as male-female friends are hard for others to understand. Added to that are our difference in ages. I know it is possible, or at least I want to give it a try. I almost have it with Chris. At that time, she almost fulfilled my dream of having a real friend. For a short while, about a month, I got a friend. But suddenly she just stopped. Till today I still don't understand why as she didn't bother to explain.
Life is so unpredictable! When one thinks one finds happiness, it may disappear in an instant. But it is part of living. One part of mine has gone even before it really begins. It continues with my recent effort to find friends. It is useless to feel good about some people, if they don't care about wanting your friendship.
Am I destined to live life without any close friend? I often ask myself this. Perhaps it is ....
