May 2

I usually do not bother to check the links to her friends. But when she didn't log in on Monday, and didn't reply to my im, I feared for the worst. So checked her friend's blog, found out that her grandfather has passed away. Though I don't know both of them personally, I can't help feeling sad for her. May he rest in peace! Hope jas will be okay.

There is this anonymous creep who keeps bothering jas and now, as I discovered, bothering her friend too. I know that when we create a tagboard, we are opened to strangers as well as friends. I suppose there is nothing else to do about it, short of taking the tagboard away. But then, it will mean putting an end to the interactive part of the blog, which is one interesting ingredient of having a blog. I guess this is the hazard we must face. Having a tagboard opens the door to spammers and annoying taggers, but it also help to link one to online friends. Tagboards have help me to chat with some very nice bloggers. That is why I have added a tagboard to my blog. Hopefully they will tag me haha.

Yesterday I got reprimanded for my work. Okay, I knew I was slow, I had trouble with the system. I did my best to correct it as fast I could. But it seemed I had taken 45mins as they said, way too long. He lectured me too like it was 45mins. If they wanted to blacklist me, there is nothing else I can do. Frankly I don't bother anymore. Even when there was a hint of threatening to fire me.

I do care about retaining this job, I need the money. But I don't know how much I can take working here feeling depressed. I need friends. Friends are the only way to help one cope with stress. But it seems unlikely that I will get from those I really want to be my friends here. Hey, heck, I don't even have anyone anywhere. One that I can turn to anytime.

I am lucky if someone reply at all to my sms. Otherwise my handphone only beeps to incoming adverts and promotional smses, or when someone want to change shift with me. Seem people only think of me when they want to change shift.

I did get a reply message from someone yesterday, it doesn't matter if it was long delayed, but I am happy just getting a reply at all. Hearing from her did lifted up my mood. It was the second time she messaged me while I was here, while I was feeling moody at this regular hideout, a place where there are plenty of people, and yet I feel that I am alone. Maybe the trees in front of me give me the illusion that I am somewhere else. Or simply I think I am invisible haha. I do seem invisible as nobody talks to me, and I talk to nobody. This is the spot where I went to when I had friendship trouble with Chris. It is a place where I do some thinking (heck I do that everywhere actually haha), contemplate on issues, daydreaming, do some reading when I am in the mood. Or just simply to defrost from the air-con.

I can only daydream about friendship. Maybe it is impossible for me to find close friends, as the people I wish will be are always from the opposite sex, which is doom from the start for not many people are willing to accept male-female close friendship, which people don't believe is possible.

Life is short. Their lives will go on ... with or without me.