May 11

It's Friday. So? No weekend party, still will be working. I have stopped looking forward to weekend ages ago. Except for sale! You will usually find more sale adverts on the weekend. My main draw to the newspapers is the sale adverts haha, not the headline. I probably will save money if I don't buy the newspapers, but then, I will miss out on any good sale event or item. Do I really save the money this way? No idea haha. Hmmm .. if the money I save by not buying any newspaper for a week, maybe I don't need to wait for a sale. Maybe worth giving that a thought hehe.

Today, I have a briefing to attend later, think I probably will doze off. Nowaday I am always feeling sleepy at odd timing. I may seem to be working but I am half asleep ... or is it half awake?. Probably mean the same thing hehe. But it is not surprising. I don't do much sleeping. Yesterday, maybe got less than two hours of sleep. I don't like to sleep .. probably will not go to bed if it is not a requirement ;-)

Work ... don't want to talk about it.

Sometimes I wish I am more thick-skinned when dealing with people. I usually ended up doing the opposite of what I want these days. I really want so much to just go up to them and chat, asking if they want to join me for a meal. But I am afraid of rejection. Really afraid. It shouldn't be, being rejected so many times .. to put it mildly. But I can only wait for them to ask me. And that can seem like forever. I want to be the one to make them laugh .. but I can only watch them, as they have a laugh with others. At least they are having a good time.

Someone said it again. "I am a nice guy". I hate it when people said this. I rather be a bad guy as long as I can join them. What is the point of being "nice" when they don't invite me to be part of their activities? It bring back to the question of being "thick-skinned", maybe I should crash in, whether they want me around or not. But I am not that sort. I rather they accept me, especially those few. It is more a matter of being accepted by them.

They mean a lot to me ... those few, and I want them to feel the same about me. But ... it will stay a wish that will not come true.

I can't help wondering how they are getting along. Especially S as she is away. I can't help worrying for her. It is a terrible feeling not knowing what is happening. It is said no news is good news. But sometimes hearing no news just mean that I don't know anything.

Last night I learnt to land on my left leg when I came down the bus, which I was stupid enough to let my right leg touched first previously.

Feeling drained .. I want to stop thinking ... though I seem to be able to do that while working haha. But my head don't seem to want me to stop daydreaming.

I am tired ...