bad day and friendship

Work was simply insane on Tuesday. I was surprised of the work combination I got that day, never happened before with any of the colleagues. Oh well, should not be surprising as the rosterer had a habit of doing a poor job of rostering. I don't want to put them down on their job, maybe to them they think they are doing good, I should be thankful that there are days when their mess-up gave me long period of nothing to do. So who am I to complain?

But I ended up doing overtime becaused something happended that night. I felt tired already earlier because I had to complete some pre-operation duties alone, usually being another colleague to help whoever was given that job. It was a tiring day on the whole.

I wanted to message Nd, but in the end, I dared not. I am already glad that she did speak to me briefly, very brief actually, the last few days when we crossed each other path. I am happy for that. Nothing much in our conversation, just work-related, but even a smile would help me cope with work at this stage.

Again, when I was feeling down, I needed a friend to chat, to cheer myself up. She came to mind, like before. But I have to keep silent whatever I wanted to say as I don't want to lose her again. Or I thought I did when she didn't speak or look my way for a couple of months. Or reply my smses. It isn't easy for me coping a world without friends, and I do need a friend support. I consider her a friend, even though she just treat me as another colleague. I don't want to lose her. I have already lost Su ... and it hurts still, not able to know how she is doing. A friend cares for each other. A real friend do. I don't need another mere colleagues or acquaintances who don't bother if you eat or not.

If I open up, I lose them. If I don't, maybe at least they will still speak to me.

Life is short. Time is short. I can't afford to wait for time to buildup friendship. People tend to disappear from my life before any friendship can happen. I can only have acquaintances. Is it enough?

Enough or not, I have to live with it .....
Haiz ....