My best friends ...

I don't know if Nordiana read this blog, I sure wish she will. She and Suhaili are two people that I wanted so much to share my thoughts. If only they will share theirs with me. Nordiana has a blog but she doesn't update. It is frustrating not able to know how your best friends are doing. Well, when you are willing to confide your life to somebody, that somebody is your best friend right? Then to me they are my best friends. Just that in reality they don't feel the same about me. I wish I can be part of their lives.

Suhaili is pregnant. I am very happy for her. I just hope I may get to see her child ... one day. But it seems unlikely. I have always want to be a godfather to one of my close friend's child. How I wish I can be her child's god-father. But it will only be a dream. How can it be when I can't even be her close friend. I wish she can share her family with me. I want to be a family friend too. haiz ... it is a frustrating feeling not able to be in touch with someone one cares so much. Sometimes I wish I can let her know about my blog. I want to share it with her, afterall, it was because of her that I started blogging again, because I can't share my thoughts with her. She didn't want to, maybe she felt uncomfortable that I was telling what normally a close friend would confide. And to her, I am not. For someone who don't talk much, I have so many things to say. But I suppose it is because I don't have anybody to share it with before. Till I met Suhaili .. and then Nordiana. Even adik Yulie. I can't explain why, but though there are others that I enjoy being with, these three will always be special ... and close to my heart. Though I call her adik, I even consider Yulie like a daughter. I am happy she has a boyfriend, and being loved. I can only hope that one day I will be invited to her wedding. I was never friendly much with her boyfriend before, but ever since they were together, I will take care of him whenever I can too.

Afterall a friend of my friends will be my friends too. I have always felt if I have a friend, I would gain more friends as their friends will be my friends too. If only I can be their close and best friends. But they are not interested in being my close friends. That makes me feel sad, as I can't join them in anything. Thus losing any chance of getting to know them better. And them, about me.

Life is short. I have lost more than a year without gaining their friendship. We could have been happy together. They could have make me happy, fill the emptiness of friendship that I have always long for. I didn't look for friendship with them, it just happened. Fate choose them for me, but Fate also keep them at a distance. I hate that, may as well don't let it happened in the first place.

I miss them. I still care for them. All I can do is wish them well, and that their other friends will make them happy. And that they will always be loved.