Ramen

Ajisen having promo today only. We had the Ajimen ramen at 50% discount. The weather outside was cooling as it had been raining. The sky was as it was when I had my ramen in Tokyo. Cooling. Nice time to have a warm ramen.

Even went back for a day trip last year so I could eat ramen. Of course, the trip was free, so you can't say I am wasting money to do it haha.

I missed eating ramen in Tokyo. Anyone want to sponsor my trip to Japan? haha

sadness of life

I miss them.

The last few weeks, I felt the same feeling, that of lost, as I lost people I wanted so much to be my close friends. I still need them. But I can't as long as they don't need me. I have lost the 4 yrs, I believe more. I don't want to count, it makes me more frustrated. That other people can spend time with them but I can't.

It is sad that one can't be with people that one wishes to be with most of the time. To be there if they need us. I know that. I know that everyone will have to live their own lives, often away from those they care. I just can't help feeling the sadness of being unwanted, that they can live without me.

I read in the newspaper, of people who are staying on with their no-good boyfriends, claiming love, to be by their sides. Yet there can be better boyfriend around, who don't have the opportunity to have a girlfriend. How unfair situation can be!

Nobody can predict who makes a better boyfriend or girlfriend. And later on as husband or wife. The same goes for true friends. That is the sadness of life. Someone is lonely out there at any time, without a friend by his/her side.

I can't guarantee that I can be the friend that they want me to be. Maybe that is my consolation feeling as I surrender to my fate. But I know that I will treasure their friendship.

I want to be happy for them, even if I can't make them happy ... for their happiness makes me happy too.

Time is moving on ... I am still what I was before ... without someone I can meet up, chat at anytime we want. I am still without someone I can claim as my close friend.

A writer's wish

Yesterday I saw a movie on cable, it reminded me about being a writer.

Every writer wants an audience. Readers, to read what the writer have to say. His opinions. His views. His stories. I am no different. I need readers, those special to me, to read my blog. Blogs, in fact. But I don't think I have any nowaday. Maybe one. It should be enough. Yet, I feel isolated, not achieving my specific audience. Like the character in the movie, I am not successful. I fail in my effort to be a writer.

I can only blame my writing, not having something worthwhile to write that readers will want to listen. I may think that writing about friendship is important, yes it is important to me, that is why I kept writing about the same issue. But people get tired of it, I suppose.

I don't know. Maybe I can be my only reader. Yet, it is not my intention when I started to blog. It is my only avenue to express myself ... to my readers .... who I want to be my friend.

A friend who is someone who will listen, no matter how repetitive the subject is. For a true friend will always be there to listen. At least I will.

Expectation ... not

I have lower my expectation so much from those I consider my friends, not that I have any choice. I know I can't expect them to treat me as I will of them. To me, they are important in my life, even more if they can be my close friends, but I know it can never be. I don't feel it from them. I am just a casual acquaintance to them, somebody they do not feel close as compare to their other friends.

Expectation can be tiring after not getting what I feel is important to me. They could have help me. But I don't blame them for not choosing to have me as their close friend. I still will care for them. Something that one feels with the heart, it is not easy to let go. Not that I want to anyway. They will always be part of my memory ... if I can still have any, since I know my memory is bad. Especially with details.

One day, it will all be gone. And I will have nothing ... nothing to treasure, and that scares me. Because not having their friendship, memory is all I have ...

Expectation ... can one live without any?