friends not, insanity yes?

Friends, family and dancing ...

They means alot to me .... but I only have a family, and that is not enough. I know, for I have been through this before ... and it almost broke me.

The past few years, I have come to realise that a person needs a friend outside the family to have a more balance life. Someone that one can meet up for a chat, to laugh or share one's thought. Someone who is a family outside the family. For the past few years has seen me finding a few, yet they have not been that close friend that I have always wanted. Fate is not letting me have a close friend.

Colleagues can only be colleagues, for I am disadvantaged. Being a married man, nobody will believe that I only wish to have them as a friend, true friend. Yes, those I wanted as close friends happened to be female. Maybe because I wanted someone sisterly, maybe even motherly haha. The fact that they are female is preventing me from getting that friendship that I seek. Even if they are willing, outsiders and their gossips may be the reason they dare not. This is how life is. It is unfair, but it is the reality. I know. But if I can't seek a close friend among my colleagues, people that I am in contact always, I have nowhere else to look.

I can't depend on looking towards dancing for help, for age is not on my side. But I have to .... to stop me from going insane.

I have to keep everything to myself now, letting it out through dance, even if I have to dance to myself .... just as I keep my insanity to myself.

I seek for help but none is willing to spare the time for me. I don't blame them. They are still special to me in my heart. I am a fool, who treasure friends, even though they may not want to me one. I will still help them if they ask. That is the kind of fool that I am.

Maybe insanity will bring me the happiness that I have been seeking to balance my life, but couldn't get ....