Time for giving

I messaged Nd. I suppose I couldn't help it. I was feeling frustrated ... and sad. Z didn't reply. It just happened that I did something for Nd, and somehow I told her how I felt. I didn't want to as previously when I did, it didn't go well. I felt she avoided me. Maybe I shouldn't .... but now I can't undo, unlike typing this posting. If only she can be around always when I need someone to talk .... a friend to comfort me. But she don't consider me a friend .... just a colleague. But I am thankful that I am still able to sms her, unlike Su.

Life is hard ... when one don't have a friend that one can turn to to confide. Sometimes one wants someone else beside the family. I must try to keep things to myself again. Like I used to. I suppose I need to try harder ...

For now, those I called friends, I will only seek to make them happy, to help them if I find that I can. My world of friendship is only to give. If I can make them happy, it will be enough. I will not expect more. Expectation can be disappointing. All I want is the feeling of being wanted by them. That I can be of help. I will not ask anything in return. I will not feel being used. What I do is because I want to. To see my friends happy, to be able to do something for them, that is enough. I will be happy.

Disappointment is when I am not asked when I can do it. That will make me more unhappy.

I had always been the one who is giving my friendship, not taking. So .. it is time I go back to do what I can do best. I will not ask for more. Time to give myself again ... to those I care .. to those I consider my friends.

It will be like Christmas always for them .... and I will be happy!