On Leave and Not Leaving

I like to go with her to see Su and her baby, but it will be too much to expect. Most of all, it will be a chance for me to spend time with Nd too. But if I could, I would have been invited. I don't want to be where I am not welcomed. I rather they be happy when they meet up.

This is my last set of leave to clear. Every year if I got my leave at this time, we would travel, even if just popped in to JB. But this year, I am not leaving Sg. But did went to KL the week before. So at least we went somewhere, though I was hoping to go JB at least (well, actually I had planned to go Tokyo but that is another story), but nobody wants to. So ... doing nothing much except shopping (and eating) whenever I can. I know I should stop buying things but haiz ... maybe it is a way relieving my frustration of not being able to do what I really want, of telling myself that I am unwanted by those I want to show my concern.

I so miss Su. It has been a while since I last saw her. She and Nd, I miss their laughter and smile. It warmths me, especially in an unfriendly environment.

We need love, plenty of love, from family and from friends. I lack the warmth of friendship, and Christmas always bring that thought to me. Maybe that is why I don't welcome Christmas so much as before. Ever since I realised that I miss the warmth of a friend. It don't matter when one has nobody, but when one has found people that one cares as much as one's family, one wishes so much to be able to celebrate Christmas with them. I love my friends as much as my family, like they are part of my own family.

That is why it hurts ....