Suhaili, my friend ...

Suhaili's birthday is tomorrow. Just like the others I care as well, I can't share the celebration. She isn't even talking to me. Yet she was the one who makes me want to have friends again.

Back then, she had given me hope, she even said to come to her if I needed to share my problem. But I was wrong to think it was possible. To have her as my best friend. I have lost whatever chance I may have. Yet, she will still be important person to me. I still care for her, as a friend. Friendship comes from the heart, which doesn't stop just because one say it stops.

She could have make the difference to my life. I could have a best friend. And in a way it did, when I met her. Yet not much. I have found others to care, like Nordiana and Adik. There are others, online and offline, a few who have meant alot to me throught interacting with them. But they are also at a distance, as I am nothing to them. I suppose it has to be enough. It is empty, but enough. I can't ask for more, as I will only be disappointed.

It is hard .... being at work. I am often reminded of how nobody needs me around. It happened again yesterday. Those that I want to want me. I want to be around them. Others whom I often heard them complaining, but still they will happily chat with them. But they are not interested in chatting with me.

I have no option ... I need close friends, but friendship is two way. I am just one. And ONE is a number I will be. The way it was, the way it is now, and the way it will be.

Suhaili will always be my friend. Happy Birthday my friend!