Prelude to Tokyo

I am already missing her. The workplace feels empty when there is nothing to expect. haiz ...

I want to blog about my trip. It had been a frustrating and stressful weeks before, during and after the trip. I don't know if it had comfort me. But I suppose I do not regret making the trip to Tokyo. I will try to put a better report in my next posting.

Tokyo is not my first time there, but I am still impressed by things over there. For one, I can never get over the salutation of the service there. Even if they may not be genuine, the impression one gets of being greeted was heartwarming. They welcomed you, thanked you, and said goodbye with many syllables, that even as I don't understand what they were saying, I felt that I was welcomed there. And the numerous bow one gets, make me humble too. Even when at the toilet, as I gave way to an elderly man, he bowed to say thanks. You don't get that here.

As usual, the keep to the left rule on the escalator was strictly enforced without anyone telling them to. If one sees someone standing side by side, he is a foreigner. And a few times I suspected being Singaporean by the sound of their voices. I am sad being associated with the same citizenship. Back home, one often finds them blocking everywhere, seldom giving way even when noticing me trying to pass them. Such disappointment.

Closer to my jobwise, I noticed a gesture that showed their politeness in handling customers. Instead of shouting as what is done here, I can see the staff approaching the passengers and bringing them to the counter. Throughout my trip, I can see act of courtesy by the service staff everywhere. I was following their head bowing after a day there too haha.

As a whole, the trip does help me ... in a way.

I had messaged her about my trip before I left. As I did before in the past. As I will in the future, though I will most unlikely able to from now on. I know I will think of her when I need to share, whether happy or sad stuff, but I will have to keep to myself from now on. I don't want to show I am a weakling, even if I am.

I need help. But I am not getting any. I shouldn't expect anymore. Life is unfair, but it is reality. It is good to have expectation, when there is sign of hope. I had tried these four/five years, but failed. Friendship can't be forced or impose upon, it is a two-way relationship. Hope is all bullshit in my case.

Yes I am angry, frustrated. I am drained of any hope for a fruitful relationship with those I cared about. And I had found them. What I wanted was simple, a close friend. With a family and a close friend, my life will be complete. Friendship has been very important to me. For a while it looked promising, but it don't like it nowaday. Everyone is keeping their distances. I depended on my handphone to keep in touch with them, but people don't seem to know that I have a handphone (well, I have several in reality, all with lines, but it is meaningless when it is so silent). I am not blaming anyone, how can I, when I still care for them. If anything, my poor fate is to blame. So, I may as well give up all hope.

This blog has been battered with my frustrations. I know it is annoying to read about, I am just posting as a diary for myself. Sorry, everyone. I will post about my trip on my next update, as I originally wanted to before I was sidetracked with emotion. Hopefully I can upload all my photos to friendster, got problems lately as couldn't upload my photos there. But I will blog about the trip as I want a memory of it.

Enuff said ...

Happy Easter, everyone!