my sanity or insanity

An entry for me ...

I appreciated that time I had with Nd on Sat. It is not often that I get to have mealtime with Nd, was glad she asked me along to join her friends. I had a good time, though I wished it wasn't so short, but a little time together is better than no time at all. But I know such opportunity will be few, that is if there is any more. I don't want to have any expectation. I will only be disappointed.

I am missing Su again, the last few days. Not easy to forget her, not that I want to. I don't know how she is coping with her new baby. I want to ask her, but feel she isn't interested in talking to me. Haiz, why is it that someone so important to me, I can't be friends with?

Sometimes I envy my dear for gaining what I tried so hard to have in the two years, even jealous. I guess I don't have what it has to have others wanting my company. I can only be a person who keeps others company, when they want it, when they have nobody else. It was like that, and that is probably how it will always be. Trying to change my fate the last three years didn't work. So why should I try, as I know it is always so disappointing, to say the least. I have to keep reminding myself this. Or my life will end up being as my blog shouted - insanity!