Just 4 days into 2008

I have a good two days of the New Year, then my luck ran out. I lost my wallet, and keypurse. There wasn't much money, but some treasures were inside, now it can only be memories for me, though that will be shortlived as I have doubt over my capability to remember in the long term.

It is a hassle to go to the bank to get replacement for my atm cards. There is always a long gueue. This was the second time I lost my wallet. Lucky for me, I didn't put my ic in there again, had it in my secondary wallet.

This happened just before I got sick that day. I wonder when the pain will strike again, for I am sure it will. Nah, don't want to think about it ...

Work as usual was routine, in a bad sense that is haha. I don't want to say much about the rosterer as they probably had their limitation, I want to be kind to them, after all, they are making a living just like me. That said, I find they make bad rostering nevertheless. Something could have been done to help the staff, to make all of us at least find work more enjoyable. For me, work is all I have, I don't expect my fellow colleagues to make my workplace a more memorable place for me. Not anymore. I have drained myself of any expectation. I am here to work. Work is what I will expect. Forget about finding friends, true or close. If they are not interested, I will ignore the feeling inside.

Yesterday was another long day at work, and another quiet time for me. Quiet in that I was alone in company. Though Adik was working, we didn't get to chat, besides the hello and goodbye. I didn't feel like talking to anyone else. I know I can be real quiet at times. If not for the customer which I can't help but to open my mouth, I can remain silence throughout the day. If I can't chat with those I really want to, I don't see any reason to talk to the others if they don't want to talk to me.

Today is off day. I just came back from the bank to get one of my atm card replaced, another one more to go, as that bank was too crowded and I didn't want to wait. A quick rush to Cold Storage to buy the Honey Glazed Chicken for the kids, and back home. I want to go out later, but haven't decide where to yet.

Today Britney was in the news again. I don't care what others think about her. Britney is still a young lady who is still figuring out about who she is. If not for her celebrity status, nobody will try to find her mistakes and blow it up. To me, she is still an excellent performer and dancer. She may be heavier than before, but she is not fat. Besides, it doesn't mean fat people can't dance, some even dance better than those skinny people. Size does not matter. Why don't some people stop picking on others' mistakes and let them live their lives?

That goes the same to some people from my workplace. Nobody is perfect, we learn from our mistakes. Again and again. That is if we are the one who did the mistakes. Don't jump to conclusion without finding the fact. Now who is the one making the mistakes then?

And the latest news about me ... I realise I have NOT pay my phone bill. Shit!!

The new year also brings on new problem, though the old one may not disappear. We live in an imperfect whole. I can only hope we can get through another year without killing ourselves ....

Pain attack

I had the pain attack again yesterday. Haven't felt it for a while, and it was really painful, could hardly move without feeling the pain. Sitting down was okay but the moment I stood up I felt it. I shouldn't have gone to Parkway, it was a torture trying to head back home, I could hardly walk my way to the bus-stop, then from the bus-stop to my home. Gosh, it really hurt.

I was lucky Nd responsed to my sms. I guess I needed someone to sympathise my pain. I guess everyone needs a listening ear, just whether one can get one when it is needed the most. I know I can't depend on Nd to be there everytime, I am not even a friend, just a colleague. But I do seem to want her comfort when I am troubled. Fate is so unfair to let me find someone, yet not able to do more about it.

Risk ... I was told not to take unnecessary risk. At my age, maybe I shouldn't bother about taking risk. Sooner or later, my time will come. Why bother to spend unnecessary money on things, when it can be use to better use!

Talking about risk, I took another risk at work yesterday, ignoring what I had to do, but instead went to the aid of this lady with a infant in arms. She needed help. It wasn't the first time I ignored my duty, previously it was to help my fellow colleagues. At least I could do what I enjoy, helping people I care. I wish I can always help all of them, at least it gives meaning to my life.

I need to give myself ... then I feel more fulfill. I feel needed.

Into 2008 ....

2008 ... another new beginning ....



I did posting of this subject at myspace and moblog. Can't help it, this show "So You Think You Can Dance" is so inspirational for me. I can't get to perform, but watching the dancers do compete and dance, I can't help but feel for them. They show the world what dancing is all about. It is tough, but how wonderful it is once perfected.

Dancing was my life, and still is ..... at least it still is in my heart.

Adik didnt receive my mms, just not my luck. If only we could sms like before. I miss Adik. She had made me happy with her smses previously. It was through the sms that I find myself seeing her as a friend. And treat her like my daughter. If only we could really be friends, close friends.

What is New?

Ended the year 2007 without any bang or spark. I am rather disappointed, but I suppose I should expect it.

On the eve of the New Year, I was at work but none of my "favourite colleagues" were there. Did see Sab for a while but only a while as she finished work as I started. I didn't get to see Nd, nor Adik Y. I really wish I could have, it would have been a good end to the year. Haiz ...

The rest from my team, those working, was disappointing, as expected. It doesn't matter any more, as I am not expecting anything from them now. If only my "favourite colleagues" were there ....

And so end the year, me alone at work, as that was the feeling I felt.