Blog no more

I should have keep my mouth shut. Every time I make someone angry because I want to say more than I just a yes or no. Words can be so easily misunderstood, especially when there is no face to face opportunity to sort it out and explain. I should have learnt from my past mistakes. I should have been what I was before, kept quiet and not try to explain how I feel. Not that I gained any friend back then, but at least I will not make anyone angry. I don't want to make her angry. Or any of them.

I have so much I want to say to them. I started this blog so people I care can read how I feel and what I do. It is the only venue to do so as I don't get to be with them. To have the chance of spending the time with people I want to be with, those I consider my special friends, not just people I consider as casual or colleagues. There are many of those, but true friends are rare, and rarer for me. In fact I can't say I have any, if one consider friends as those you can contact when you want someone to confide or comfort you.

I blog so they can read. This blog is especially for those I listed in my heart2hearts list. Though I may not have told them, haha. Not that it will make the difference from the way I see it. But if anybody that I want to know about me, these are the people. Yet, recently, I doubt anyone, except for Blackcat13, read my postings. I guess I can't expect them to spare that little time to read here, who am I anyway but a headless nobody. I am disappointed, but I know they have other priorities. I may be interested in what they do, and I still will, but they are not me, and I can't expect them to bother about me as I would for them. This is the fact of human relationship. Not everyone sees things the way you do.

Though I want to tell people about me, it is as important for me to know what they are doing, through their blogs, if they have any. But it is not happening. I don't want to blog anymore since I am not doing what I want in the first place. I was hoping this blog will be the contact point for all of us. I had removed my tagboard as I got no tag and feedback. I think I will go back to being anonymous to everyone. Unless they want to find out about me.

I am already headless. I will be wordless as well. Yes, written words have been my favourite choice of communication. I have wanted to write down how I feel. I wanted to blog. I wanted true friends, because I have found people I care that meet my wish. But nothing have changed much since day one. Yes I have found many casual friends, online and in the real world. But true friends have still eluded me, friends who will spare more than a little time for me, just as I will for them. Maybe one day I can call someone that. Maybe not.

The other day, just after my operation, I told myself that if I had died, nobody will know about it, because they don't bother to sms me. Today my blog will die.

Thank you if you are reading this ... take care ....