moody post

Again .... I am so frustrated these days, I am so easily agitated. I don't like it. I am feeling so anger by small things. Maybe I will become the Hulk, if this goes on.

I wanted so badly to go club yesterday, but my dear didn't want to. Again. She wanted to go shopping. It is the first time I didn't want to shop. But I didn't want to tell her.

Why can't they want me? Why don't they look for me when they go KL? Bkk? I am not even being consider if they go clubbing. I want to go along with them. But of course, I am not their close friend. I am just a casual acquaintance, so casual that I am not even in their choice of casual friends when they want to have fun. I want to be wanted too.

I don't blame them. I am nobody. And that hurt, as I like them and want to share friendship with them, doing things together. Yet I know friendship can't be forced. Just because I want their friendship doesn't mean they have to share the same sentiment. I am just unlucky that my heart have choosen them to be my friend. So no matter how I am rejected by them, I still care for them. And that hurt, not able to show my care and concern.

People have always said that family is the most important. To me, friends compliment family. I have been without friends, real friends whom I can do things together. These short years, suddenly I found friends, yet still, they are not my friends, as they don't accept me. I can't do things together with them. I feel empty. In a few weeks time, it may not matter anymore.

I once blog in moblog that three things matter so much to me, Family, Friends and Dance. I may have only my family left.

This is another silly moody posting. I know. I am frustrated, I am scared....

My life as I know it will be undergoing a change. I am not looking forward to next month, but it is unavoidable. Change there will be, but as to what extend, I will not know.

I may not be able to dance again, and that is scary for me.