Life goes on .... tick tock tick tock
Blogging is something I have no option as where else can I let people know what I have been up to. I wish that things can be different but it isn't. I need someone that I can sms often, so we can exchange info on what we are up to. In fact, I do have people that I have in mind. But, they are not interested. Eh, I did mention that so many times in my previous post haha. Nothing change since then .. oh well.
Read in the newspaper about people switching off handphone and computer for a day .. I guess I can do that if I want to. Even longer as people don't contact me anyway. But it will mean I am cutting myself off from the only option I have of keeping in touch with people I want to keep in touch with. Which is bad for me. Even if they may not want to keep in touch with me. I need them. If only they realise how much they mean to me.
Have been trying to distract my mind from the feeling of loneliness when I am at work. By doing work ... and more work. Even those jobs that I am not suppose to be doing. Maybe hopefully I will collapse from overwork, so I got an excuse not to come to work haha. Not that I care for the company, but because I want to help my fellow colleagues. To reduce their workload. Because I know how it feels not having people to help me. So in a way, because of my frustration that my colleagues do not bother to include me in their activities, I have became more useful to them. Not that I care either. I am just doing it to keep myself busy. More busy I am, the less time I have to feel sorry for myself. I know people make use of me. It doesn't matter. There are some colleagues that I do still wish can be close friends, but I have stopped wishing it. I just want to be able to help them with their workload if I can.
I don't do things for them and hoping for something in return. Not even friendship as I know friendship cannot be bought or forced. I do things because I like to, because I want to see them happy. I know I am silly as usual. But that is what I am, to those who really know me. In my negative-thinking, broody persona that I have become, inside I am still the silly guy, who still feels he is 15. OR 12! Whatever age I feel like at the moment haha.
I am still doing silly stuffs when I am around people who accepted me. I am still excited when I see hiphop dancing. Not ballroom which often people relate me to because I am OLD in real age. I suppose I am a modern Peter Pan, the guy who never grow old ... at heart. Even when I am growing old in reality haha. I wonder if I will still think the same at 100 .... if I live that long lolz haha.
I guess I can't keep away from blogging, no matter how much I try. It is my only outlet of expressing myself and what I did. A diary of my life.
Tick tock tick tock .....
