Choco no more

My guinea pig has died.

I can't hear Choco asking for food anymore, making his whining but yet adorable sound. He was the one who would welcome me when I came back from work. He would know that I was back long before anyone in the house would. He knew somehow.

The worst part of his death was that I wasn't around when he died. I was busy having a good time. I was angry. I have told them not to overfeed Choco while we were away. Guinea pig don't need much food or water. Still they did it. I came back to see a whole bunch of veggie and his bottle was half filled, he probably drank the other half for knowing them, they would fill right to the top.

But I know they don't mean for him to die. If anyone is to be blamed, it should be me, for I wasn't there for him. Not even till the day he died.

In moblog, I refer him as the One who waits for me. Now I have no one to wait for me. I need to feel wanted. Choco made me feel wanted. Except for my family, I have nobody who wants me.

I wanted to cry, but no tear was shed. I don't know. Why do I loose those I care?

Whether they go away or just stop contacting me, it is still the same, I loose those I want to be around. And someone is leaving soon ... another person who will disappear from my life ...

Especially for Blackcat13

I missed the actual day, but I do want to wish Blackcat13 ....

Being Me

I am not being hardworking. I am just helping others as I will like others to help me. I know the feeling of being helpless, of not knowing what to do, as often I don't have others to help me. I treat others as I will like them to treat me.

I am not expecting anything in return.

I am just being me.


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I am feeling stressed. Haiz .....

Losing my hope ...

Often I could see others keeping touch, arranging to meet up even though the other person is not around. Close friends can often be seen together, when one is busy, the other will hang around till she is free. Even staying back to wait for her friend. I will do it for my close friend too. But I can only dream of this. For my dream is broken now. Someone who could have helped me will not be around.

Nd smsed me that she is resigning. I fear this day, more so since I wasn't able to have her accept me as a close friend, hoping that in time, if we get more chance 2 spend time together, maybe I could. Now that she will be leaving, there will be no more chance for me to spend time with her. I couldn't do things for her, as a friend should, as what I like very much to do. Why do people I like so much to be around, can't be? One by one just disappear from my life. Nd will be too.

Even though I have decided not to expect to find close friend anymore, Nd will always be a close and special friend to me. Someone I will always be willing to help.

Yesterday, Nd makes me teary, twice within a month. I am sad, but I will wish her well. I guess that is the only thing I can do. I will be a speck in her life, but she has been a strength and hope in mine. Just too bad it didn't happen .... but the memory will remain in my heart, of a person who could have been my close friend.

A close friend is someone that one is willing to confide and share, one that is a comfort being around with. A close friend is someone who will always be around whether one is happy or sad. I was willing to be that close friend.