Missing my friends ...

Day off yet I still went back to my workplace to eat at the foodcourt, not that I missed the food or they being very extraordinary. Oh well, perhaps I was tired of going to town to have my meal ... or just I missed them, and hoping that perchance I might get to see them. Which I didn't! So much of hoping and wishing ....

Friendship and relationship works best when two people talk it out, and come to an understanding. I hope they will be best friends again. I hope Zana will be fine.

The last two days I saw Suhaili, but we didn't speak. She didn't even bother to look at me. I was hoping she would. I still missed not having her friendship. I could use her friendship ...

I saw Yulie yesterday, finally after so long. I did miss her too, didn't speak to her much except the usual "Hi" and "Bye". As usual, she didn't seem to want to stay and talk, so I didn't. At least she still gave a smile, and two, I should be contented. I can't expect much from her, or any of them, as they only see me as a colleague and maybe a casual friend.

I have never stop wishing that they can be more than that, I want them to be my close friends, don't ask me why, just that I do. I need them, the two of them and Diana, but after all these years, I have not get any closer, only seem to get more distant as we seldom cross each other path. I don't get the chance to meet up with them and have proper conversation. So it is no wonder that they will not accept me as someone close.

I have lost any chance with Suhaili. And she was the 1st one who had changed my perception ..... she could have help me alot, maybe then I wouldn't have the need to blog. I do miss her.

I depend on sms, being not able to spend time with them, sms is all I have to keep in touch with them. But I don't have that either. I know they may be busy. I don't expect instant reply, even a day later will be good, as long as we can keep in touch. I can only guess that they are not keen to keep in touch.

This is another posting of how I miss those I want to be my close friend. I guess I will do the same in my next. I started blogging to ease my frustration of not having their friendship, I guess blogging about them is my way of not going insane.

Yet I may still be .... going insane. I don't blame them, just my luckless journey of finding close friend to accompany me. Yes having close friend may be a headache too, as someone may have encountered, but not having one is like not taking any panadol as headache will come, with or without a friend.

I will want to have a close friend by my side, and I will do the same to her when she needs one too.

I have come a long way since I first blogged. I have chatted up a number of online people along the way and have found some I care as much as my colleagues. Especially Su and Zana. I lost some along the way too. I wish they can be that close friend I want, but at least if I keep my distance, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much when I lose them. Afterall, we have never met. Yet they are as real to me. Perhaps I am just daydreaming that I can't care for them as much if they only exist online .... and it is not working haha.

I still miss them as much as the rest ... I guess I am silly to care for people. Treating them as close friends when they are not really.

I can only give my heart, I will not expect others to share theirs.

I am missing my friends ....