Suhaili's Birthday

I will not be able to celebrate her birthday with her, like the others, as usual. I want to, but I know I can't as she will not want me to. But I will be with her on her special day, if only in my heart. To me, she will always be my good friend. Even if she don't wish me to be hers. I hope she will have a good birthday celebration with her friends and family.

Happy Birthday Suhaili!

May God watches over you.

Dance movie that inspire and Work that don't

Saw Staying Alive ... again, well part of it on Star Movie anyway. Had been a long time since I last saw it, seen it a few times back then. It is one of those inspiring movies on dance. It had given me motivation to continue dancing. Time and time again, whenever I watched one of those dance movies, I was inspired to continue my dancing, that dancing is what I love to do. Even now. Sometimes I feel like I had given it up too early ... that I should have still stay in this line. I don't know. Maybe I couldn't survive, but at least I would be happy doing what I love.

I don't enjoy doing what I am now. Maybe I did before but I don't feel the job nowaday .. not anymore. Think it was about a year ago. That was why it was important that I need their friendship. There is nobody here that will want me to look forward to coming to work to. If one don't enjoy one's work, at least if there are friends, there is something to look forward to. I got nothing. Yes, I do look forward to seeing some of them, but it will be just that, see them. If they don't let me be part of them, fine with me. I don't care that anymore. I am not looking for friends anymore. Colleagues okay, if they allow me to, not friends. Even to those special few, I don't want to confide my feeling or thoughts to them anymore. What I feel or thought, it will stay within me. Maybe I will blog some of those, when I feel like doing so.

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danceal is sad, danceal is lonely. danceal got problem. But this is danceal problem. Everybody has their own problems. danceal is willing to make their problem danceal problem. danceal is willing to help them if they need it. But danceal will not ask them to help danceal. They didn't want to help so danceal will not ask anymore.

danceal is done!

30th July

Yesterday I was late for work. Twenty minutes. All because I went shopping in the morning. Metro at Tampines, again, which was having 80% off on most items due to it closing down. I like Metro. Used to visit it almost every week because I was working nearby. Hey, I worked there once, but left volunteerly due they didn't want to confirm me. Why should I put in my effort when they didn't appreciate me? Haha, well, I didn't really put in much effort at that time.

I have always enjoy being in the Kitchen section of a department store, like Isetan, Metro. I like Robinsons best. But I haven't been there lately though. It has good kitchen appliance section. All those shiny pots and pans and accessories, wow! So nice to see them on display. But they are pretty expensive there. If only I have the money, I will buy them and display in my kitchen, and use them when I do my cooking as well of course hehe. Only thing is, if I may do buy, I may want to buy a new house and have all the rooms turn into my kitchen! I will have the most humongous kitchen in Singapore!

I saw Nd yesterday. In my heart I was happy, but didn't want to sms her.It is so easy just to pickup the handphone and sms her. I wanted so much to. Though I did send a goodnite sms. I know I shouldn't. I still feel the urge to confide to her. Both she and Su. But I can't. Though there will be others, somehow, I will still feel the need to want to confide to Nd or Su, but I know it is something I can never will as they do not want me to. I don't blame them for not wanting to, afterall who am I to them? They are moving on with their lives, but I guess I am still stuck in my dream of wanting them to be my good friends.

But it is this dream perhaps that prevent me from going insane. And my online friends. I may have my family, but it is not enough. I know I am not living realisticly, some perhaps will advise me to give up. But for now, they are all I have. I have no confidence in the real world. I have failed too many times that it is not worth looking for something that may be impossible. Where can you find a world that accept male-female platonic relationship? Society don't accept it, even if those I care for may be willing to give it a try.

I am sentimental. I choose friends based on my feeling. They are good people, just that I was not meant to be their friend. I just hope that I am strong enough this time to be on my own.

Like and Don't like to see ...

What I don't like to see (at random order):
1) People standing side by side on escalator or pathway. I always stand behind
or in front of my partner so others can move forward,
2) Football
3) People talking badly about others when they are no better.
4) Friends gathering together
5) Lovers breaking up
6) Friends breaking up
7) Food leftover, I mean really alot
8) Bully
9) Tears from those I care
10) Football. Oops I mentioned it, but nevermind, will include again haha

What I like to see (at random order):
1) Second season of Heroes
2) Nature at its worse
3) Nature at its best
4) Friends gathering together (well, I do, most of the times.)
5) Rozanah finding happiness again
6) Dancers doing their stuff
7) Dayang Nurfaizah in person
8) World peace (I want to be Mr World 2007 ... maybe 2008 also can?)
9) Desserts at buffet table
10) Saturday Straits Times, coz has plenty of advertisements of sales, especially handphones

Only listed ten though I can think of more when I am at my solitude. Which is happening more often nowaday.

So .. why am I doing a list? Don't know, haha! Just blogging randomly.