In sickness and in breathing

Danceal is still sick. Hopefully will recover by this weekend ... I want to go out! and eat chocolates and ice-creams and chocolates!!

This morning, I was feeling low, and then, I saw Nd. She was smiling, how nice to see a friendly smile. Just that the smile wasn't for me but otheres. But it was okay, the smile was what I needed to brighten my day. The last two days was so bad for me, being sick. A friendly smile from a familiar face was what I needed. Haiz, if only she was smiling and cheering me up....

If only we can hold our breath, or stop breathing when we are sleeping. It will cease the discomfort one gets when trying to sleep. How nice if I can stop breathing when I go to sleep, then wake up and breathes again. You people out there like that also? haha.

Tuesday wemt to CA again for their cheesecakes, but only thing was, I couldn't enjoy them, because I wasn't feeling so well that night. Then everything went bad. The last couple of days I think I sleep a lot .. in the daytime, which usually I don't do, and often only when I am sick do I sleep in the daytime haha.

I believe my age is really catching up. Getting sick is getting very bad for me. Thought the last time I was sick was bad, but now I feel it is even worse. The cough felt like it could kill me, the headche aggravated the feeling even more. And most of the time I felt like I couldn't breathe, especially when I laid down to sleep. My fever has stopped, I hope haha.

My brain is a little haywire right now, if it is still there. Had wanted to write about something but forgot what it was haha. ok, will let the brain go back into storage till it is more ready ...

Suntec competition

I went down to Suntec on Saturday to watch the competition. I had expected to have company for the night, but in the end, I was disappointed that I had to watch it alone, though there was a good crowd there. It took a bit excitment out of watching the dance competition. I could only share others excitement as they screamed when their friends, or whatever, took to the stage. Or when the results were known. I watched as this lady gave a shriek when somebody she knew got the top prize, then called I presumed was the person mother. It was delightful watching her happiness.

The performance on stage didn't gave me the thrill as I thought it would. Perhaps it was the disappointment that I ended up alone there. I had expectation that didn't materialise. Expectation that couldn't be fulfilled always spoil the actual event.

Or perhaps I no longer has that much passion for dance anymore? I don't know ....

Movies and movies

It is not easy to want to open up but those who I want to open up to doesn't want to listen. Blogging is my only solution, but it also means that I am showing my fear and weakness. I thought if I stopped opening up altogether I would feel better. But it also means that I bottled up and cried more. I need their help but I didn't get any.

I will blog, Fad. Thank you for wanting to read. I guess I need an audience ... and to know that there is an audience. To know that someone care enough to want to read my life and my thoughts. Blogging is also my diary which I can flip back to when my memory is no longer as good. Well, even now, I have memory lapse, which can be quite bad at times.

I am not what I was, I don't know what I am or want to be. Only time will tell ....

Yesterday I saw two movies back to back. I haven't done that for a long long time. Back when I was in secondary, (wow, that seems so ancient and makes me so old haha) I used to watched two to three movies in a day at one shot. Back then one has to travel some distances to get to the next cinema, not like today when one can get different movies at one spot. Favourite was from Capitol to Odeon to Cathay. Once a while will be Orchard, Cathay and Capitol/or Odeon combination. And sometimes all the way to Lido/Cathay combination, which is from one end to the other end of Orchard Road, and/or Capitol or Odeon haha. I was a mad movie addict :-)

Today going to the cinema is not as fun. If one chose not to channel surf between HBO(including the 3 sub-HBO), StarMovies and Cinema, one can watch a few movies in one location, if provided one can find nice movies to watch. I suppose the hopping from one cinema to another cinema was an adventure for me which I totally enjoyed back then, apart from the movies themselves hehe.

I blog again

It isn't easy but I know that I have no choice. Whoever said we have a choice in what we do with our lives is wrong. We can try but the choice we attempt is always up to others whether we will get it or not. Especially friendship.

I used 2 feel optimist in life, that I deserve better. But having failed so many times, I doubt I can find any best friend. I need a best friend. But am not going to expect any chance of getting one anymore. I am defeated. I thought having find a few people that I care would be enough, but it didn't. If only I am given a chance to be their friend, a real friend. We could have been close friends these last two years, the way as I had wanted to, if only they had given me that chance. But it didn't happen.

My life is unbalanced. And I don't expect it to change. There is so much I don't like about it, but I have no choice or hope of changing it. And I will not try. I have problems, but seeing how there are others who are worse off, I consider myself lucky. Still, it doesn't changed the fact that I still have my problems. Just smaller by comparison.

The Suntec Dance competition is on this Saturday 8th Sep. I plan to watch. Hope can. Singapore has good dancers. May the best dancers get what they want. Even if they may not win, they are winners in somebody's else book.

I blog again!