SMS is everything to me

Why don't they sms to me?

Sms is a convenient way to communicate. When one don't have the time to meet and chat, sms provides one a chance to keep in touch. I often see them sms to each other. I know they set time to meet up or for meal using sms. If only they will sms me. Especially now, more than ever, as I have chosen to only talk if via sms. But why should they? I am not their friend.

Only when they look for someone to change shift do I get sms from them. They don't even bother to talk to me or ask me along for meal, even when I am around. They will just walk away. Heck lah, why should I care about them? I am not interested in making friends with them anyway. Though the feeling of being unwanted do get to me, even from strangers.

I will rather wish that those I seek as friends ask me. But they too don't bother with me. I am just a nobody. They have other friends. Not having me around is nothing to them. Haiz. Why am I so wanting their friendship? Why do I care so much for them? It is just me. Stupid me, caring for friends who don't bother if I am around or not. But I miss not seeing and talking to them. haiz

I try not to sms to them. I try not to feel sad if they don't reply to my sms when I do. For the number of sms I did send, there were more that I didn't send because I do not want to irritate them by keep sending smses. I don't mind late reply, as long as I get one. But when no reply came, it does hurt me, as it seems to me that I am not worthy of getting a reply. How else can I think of it as it happened not once, but so many times?

I miss sms. It is my only mode of communicate now. And that I am deny also ..... haiz

Looking Busy

I used to work at the backroom, doing updatings and other supporting stuffs. At times, there may not be any job to do for days, sometimes maybe weeks. Sometimes when the job came, it would be a rush job, having to do it at a certain deadline.

Those times when I had nothing to do, I had to pretend I was working. Hey, the supervisor was sitting right in front of me lor. It wouldn't look nice if he was busy while I was completely free right? haha. Though I think he was pretending too sometimes.

Anyway, I had to look busy, sometimes taking out some files, looking at it (pretending I was studying the contents of course) and putting it back. I was lucky that my job enable me to move around so when I couldn't find any file to play around with, I would take a walk. Really a walk, haha. Just looking around, hoping to find someone to talk, or just error to correct.

Best of all was sometimes I could take longer timing than the stipulated lunch break. And went shopping at the nearest shopping mall hehe. Or did some personal errand. It would usually cost me another hour. But nobody questioned me haha.

That was before. Now ... let us say I have only my little corner to turn to.

Friendship is everything to me

It is time like this when I wish I have my close friends. Having them means I can have somebody to
* hangout at Starbuck, or some fastfood to chillout;
* watch movies with;
* go find some food outlets to savoy their food;
* sms;
* confide and vice versa;
* laugh with;
* meet up for meals;
* just chat and chat.
I will feel wanted. I need them. And I will give my best to treasure their friendship.

I wish they will sms me. Maybe I can't do all those I mentioned, maybe our timing doesn't fit. But at least we can sms still. But I can't even have that.

These days, my world is silence. I have only a few people that I wish can be my close friends. I need their sms reply but if they don't reply to my sms, then I really got nobody. I need their sms to keep my sanity. They are all I have. Am I really so unimportant?

I see others sharing time together. They are close friends, laughing and chatting always. Sometimes having the opportunity bring people together. At least they have the chance to discover each other and maybe bond their friendship. Sometimes it is the feeling that decides who will be friends.

I am a emotional person. I based my feeling on who I want to be my friends. Perhaps that is my failure, as they do not share the same.

I can only watch others having friends, enjoying all that I have mentioned and long for. I wish I can have the same, but I know wishing is not the same as having. I can only envy others. I can only hope that I will not hate seeing others having what I don't have. What I can't have.

I have only my family. It is not enough for me. I know I need friends. But family is all that I have to settle with. I can only hope that I will not hate them, because of having only one option. It happened before. I must, and need to hold back any anger or frustration and not direct on my family. I hope I can be strong.

I don't want any friend anymore. It hurts everytime I lost friends when I tried to strengthen the friendship. Maybe because I am a guy, what is wrong having male/female friendship? All I want is being their close friend. Can I not be given that chance? Or it is simply they don't want me as a friend.

Even though now I will not seek their friendship, I still see them as being my special friends. Maybe I am stupid for being loyal to friends, whether they accept me or not. But at this moment in time, the memory of their friendship is the only thing that keeps my sanity in this world of insanity. I see people just dropping friends like they discard their used tissues. Friendship is everything to me. Perhaps because I don't have someone I can call my close friend that I value friendship.

Life is short. Treasure your friends.

Taxi and waiting time

Was at the taxi stand at Parkway earlier, I find it frustrating that this taxi stand allow for 3 taxis to be cleared at a time, but most people will wait for the taxi to come to the 1st stand, right where they are standing. Is it too much to walk a short distance to the No. 2 or 3? This is also common in other taxi stand.

By waiting for the taxi to come to the 1st stand, they are making the waiting time for others longer. And it is no fun standing in the heat with your grocery in your hand, and the thought of your ice-cream melting in the plastic bag.